Finding relief.

i woke up this morning and felt so... terrible.

oh my god.

why should i feel that "morning sickness" once more?

one of my girls once said, "everyone got their own weak point. If my weak point is on my-homesick-ness, than yours is on love"

maybe it's true.

i've never been homesick (um, only when im sick and "sick", like now).

don't ever say that im not that close enough with my family. i just think that they're always there and they won't never forsake me, how bad i am.

but, im so sick when i get struck on love problems.

like i told ya on previous post, fate likes to make me laugh.

yesterday, i was thinking so much about it.

i might be looked well outside, but not inside.

i might laugh in front of people, but not when im alone.

thanks for ley, stella, and sandra for accompanying me doing my lab reports.

and thanks god i got so many assignments to do, so i dont need to think about my weak point, for a while. at least those "blessing" assignments occupy my head almost completely.

but still, when those blessing ass leave me, i think about you.

like this morning.

i got super duper awkward and bad dream.

what i remember is, i posted "i hate words FOR GOOD" on my facebook.

those small part could ruin my morning.

then, i remember, Someone who never leaves me, even though I OFTEN leave Him.

i "curhat" to Him.

and i feel more... relieve.

no. calm down is the better word.

"i surrender to You God.

Do whatever You wanna do in my life, and his life.

I know that You will give me the best for me, even it's not that i want.

but when what's good for me is not what i want, please don't leave me and please calm me down. please teach me to be a grown up, who never cries and moans for the problems You've given. please tell me how to be strong in facing these ups and downs. and just, please save me from my negative thoughts, my nightmare, my fright, my anxiousness, and my suspiciousness.

and please bless my baby too.

and God, please help me to choose the right way for the intersection You've given to me..

Thanks for the live You gave me, God."

FATE

kadang lucu ya.

kalo fate udah bicara dan take control, kita cuma bisa ketawa doang.

gue pernah punya pacar.

sebut aja C.

gue sama dia udah pacaran selama 6.5 taun..

quite long, huh?

gue sama dy udah kenal sejak hari pertama gue ma dy di SMP kelas satu.

singkat cerita, gw ma dy akhirnya jadian di akhir2 gw kelas 1 smp.

tapi, love life gw gak seindah dongeng2.

gue mesti backstreet dari bonyok gue selama 5 taun lebih.

gue baru dapet lampu ijo dari bokap gw pas gue udah lulus SMA.

(kurang lama ya???)

disinilah fate mulai take control.

disaat gue dapet lampu ijo dari bonyok gue, gue ma C mesti pisah.

gue kuliah di malaysia, dia di aussie.

dan less than one year, gue putus ma dia.

see.

gue cuma bisa ketawa doang.

disaat gue mesti backstreet ma dy, hubungan gw bener2 langgeng.

bahkan semua orang YAKIN BANGET gue ma C bakal merit.

eh, di saat lampu ijo udah nyala, hubungan gue berakhir ma dia.

lalu,

untuk kedua kalinya gue ngetawain fate gw.

setelah putus dari C, gue punya pacar lagi.

his name is Nick.

rasanya hidup gue mendekati sempurna pas pacaran ma nick.

ada satu fakta yang lagi2 fate permainkan.

gue ma Nick udah setaun sobatan.

gue ma dy udah ngalamin manis pahitnya kehidupan.

pas dia putus, ada gue.

pas gue putus, ada dia.

sampe akhirnya gue ma dia sadar kalo emang kita udah saling sayang,

sayang yang lebih dari sekedar sahabat.

jadi kita jadian, pas kita pisah.

gue di jakarta, dia di malaysia (waktu itu dia masih ada exam, belom pulang ke semarang)

dan selama jadian, kita pisah selama 3 bulan.

gue bener2 nunggu tanggal 21 feb, hari di mana akhirnya gue ketemu face to face sama pacar gue.

tapi, lagi-lagi, fate emang naksir ma gue kali ya.

gue ma dia ketemu cuma 2 minggu.

soalnya dy mesti balik semarang. - liburan semesteran.

dan ini nih yang bikin gw paling ngakak.

besok minggu gue finally ketemu lagi ma nick.

tapi belom hari itu dateng, gue udah dibikin sakit perut gara2 ngakak.

tiba-tiba aja dia ngasih berita kalo dia gak bakal lanjut di malay.

dia bakal lanjut kul di new zealand.

GOOD.

jadi intinya, selama gue jadian, gue cuma ketemu 2 minggu doang. out of 3 more months.

SEE.

kalo gue jadi reader blog gue.

gue bakal ngakak, terus komen, "KASIAN DEH LO."