Strangers, again

This is one of the greatest, most amazing, most touching short videos i've ever watched.


just a quick review.
This video is about love relationship stages.
and i wanna review my relationship with him.


stage 1: the meeting
I met him, well, actually officially recognized him, on easter day (i think Maundy Thursday) 2009. 
dia masih cupu abis. kaya cinko. rambut coklat. kacau.
dan dulu yg ngenalin dia ke gw tuh si gibon.
dan gw sama sekali ga ada rasa apapun sama dia.
tapi emang sih. jujur, gw langsung nyambung aja sama dia.
sampe2 di gereja gw diomelin ma nenek2 gara2 ga bisa brenti ngobrol sama dia.. :)
what a memory.. :)
(oh no i couldn't find the photo! coz it was uploaded by gibon and her fb was deleted!!!! >.<)

yes, that was him with the white jacket. huahaahaha i can't stop laughing everytime i see his "look" on this photo!!!!! :D

stage 2: the chasing

secara gw sama dia start dari sahabat, jadi kita ga pernah sadar kapan kita mulai chasing satu sama lain. dan dia ga pernah ngaku kalo dia pdkt ma gw. huh. enak aja. 
pokoknya gw inget, kita mulai ada "apa2" tuh sekitar bulan oktober 2009... setelah gw putus dari pacar gw yg gila dan dia move on dari someone. and yes. that was the best part. soalnya gw belomfcukin' LDR dan semua masih smooth.. walaupun gw nebak2 terus sih sebenernya apa perasaan dia ke gw.

nah ini lagi jalan2 di genting jam 2 pagi. dia lagi sweet2nya nih. mau ngapain aja demi nyenengin gue. huheuehehehehehe... (btw, he was MUCH better than the previous pic right? ;P)

stage 3: honeymoon
well, honeymoon gw diiringi dengan tangisan. gw jadian pas ldr 3 bulan sama dia. terus pas balik malay juga cuma ketemu 2 minggu, abis itu dia pulang indo. DAN PARAHNYA STELAH ITU DIA CUMA STAY DI MALAY SELAMA 3 MINGGU BUAT PACKING. KARENA DIA BAKAL LANJUT DI NZ. fat the wack. ya berarti itungannya bukan honeymoon2 amat ya..paling2 gw merasa seneeeeeenggg banget pas kita ke malaka...

ah, jadi kangen.. :'(

stage 4: comforting zone

barusan aja gw tanya dia. "what stage are we now?" dan kita sepakat kita sedang ada di stage ini.

lagi "datar2" aja... hahaa..

ya gimana ga datar... uda ga ketemuan nyaris setaun.

beneran deh, kalo gw ga bener2 sayang sama dia, gw mgkn uda ga kuat.. :")

stage 5: tolerating

we once were in this stage. waktu itu kita masi berusaha stuck sama sumpah kita berdua, buat ga LDR. jadilah kita sering cekcok. dia mgkn masi belom terbiasa sama ldr. gw masi kebayang2 trauma gw sama cowok gw yg gila dulu. *sigh.

stage 6: downhill

ini yg paling ga enak. biasanya kita jadi ga peduli satu sama lain. gw makin sering ga enak ati. makin sering khawatir sama hal yg nggak2. makin sering nangis. 

stage 7: breakup

gue dua kali putus sama dia. dan jujur, pas gw putus sama dia. rasanya legaaaaa banget. ga ada lagi tu yg namanya khawatir2 ga jelas dan nangis2 tengah malem. tp leganya ga bertahan lama, seminggu kemudian, gw mulai kangen lagi sama dia. mulai nangis lg karena gw mesti maksa diri buat ga hubungin dia. dan gw bisa aja tiba2 teriak2 kesenengan kalo dia mulai sering nyari gw lagi..

stage 8: climbing up the hill

stage ini ga ada di short movie, tapi ada di hubungan gw ma dia. disinilah stage dimana kita mulai sadar (well, gw lah yang sadar. ga tau deh dia) kl kita ga bisa pisah. ga bisa kalo ga bareng2. dan dari stage ini, kita balik ke stage 2 dan mandek di stage 4....

:)

but im sure every couple has their own stages.

gotta go. :)

long distance love

you know who you are

sincerely..

i love you, because you love me the way i am

i love you, because you will always say, "okay, you win"

i love you, because you always try making me happy and smile

i love you, because you're so patient

i love you, because you're brave

i love you, because you have the courage to defend me

i love you, because you don't want me to look bad in front of others

i love you, because you always trust me though i lied to you

i love you, because you always forgive me

i love you, because you know what to do to make me smile

i love you, because even though you know everything's impossible, you make it as if it's possible

i love you, because i enjoy every single second i'm with you

i love you, because you are willing to sacrifice your life for me

i love you, because i'm created to

i love you, because you never stop loving me

i love you, when you are being talkative

i love you, when you smile

i love you, when you hug me

i love you, when you hold my hand

i love you, when you say everything's gonna be alright

i love you, when you say, "you look good on that dress!"

i love you, when I see your caller ID appears on my skype, msn, or phone

i love you, when you want me to stay with you

i love you, when you tell me you need me beside you

i love you, when you tell me you can't live without me

i love you, when you say, "I LOVE YOU"

i love your eyes

i love your smile

i love your hair

i love your voice

i love your surprises

i love your scent

i love your style

i love your laugh

i love your craziness

i love your way to express your feeling

i love the way you always want everything to be perfect for me

i love your romance

i love the way you speak

i love the way you look into my eyes

i love the way you hug me

i love the way you love me

i love the way you cook

i love the way i can't let you go

i love the way you say, "but i can't swim"

i love the way you drive

i love the way you're attracted to me

i love the way you can't stop eating kebab

i love everything about you

he loves white

he loves caramel macchiato

he loves “udang goreng telur asin”

he loves crocs

he loves travelling

he loves photography and design and yes, he is an unbelievably amazing photographer

he loves 7

he loves ME

but,

all my loves have to be put on hold, until… I don’t know when.

we're meant to be, but not now.

I LOVE YOU.

my love

millions of love,

nadyakarina

ps: this post is taken from Michelle Hendra's blog with slight adjustment. Credit goes to this sophisticated girl.

back to malaysia

hey fellas.

here i am, back to my not-so-called-home, malaysia.

you know what it felt to be me, today?

it was like, for the first time, stepping on Malaysia.

I flew with Garuda Indonesia, therefore I landed on KLIA, not LCCT (I used to land here, if I use AirAsia).

and to be honest, I miss him.

It was still crystal clear when he picked me up at KLIA, six months ago.

Back then, I walked as fast as I can. I still remember how my heart beat up waiting for his calls (since my number could not be used anymore). I still remember how I was stupid, waiting on wrong line when I claimed on my baggage. I still remember how he lied he was still on his way to airport. I still remember how he hugged me from my back (I didn't see him). I still remember how he held my hand when we were searching for our car. I still remember what happened, exactly.

But today, I was alone. together with those TKIs.

I was totally alone. I knew no one.

I was (and am) scared.

I was scared I was gonna remember you, again.

I was successful forgetting my feelings back in hometown.

but what happened? I remember you. :(

hey, you succeed moving on! you can do it here! :)

and today was not-so-good-day.

gue lupa beli majalah buat bacaan di malay.

jadilah gue beli di bandara.

ternyata harga majalahnya lebih mahal 2x lipat!

dasar konde!

Isn't it pathetic?

i accidentally got this from my Facebook.

Well, i barely open my FB account because I am just... scared.

Maybe I am scared because I'm not ready to get out my comfort zone.

After two days without FB (it is rare case, dear. because I AM a facebooker), finally I am online, again.

At first, I didn't want to open it, but I was curious.

and there you go. I spotted it in my Home.

and suddenly, all the walls that I have built break down.

suddenly, i feel i am pathetic.

We even haven't said "Happy 1st Anniversary, Sayang..."

But in a matter of fact, it's done.

No matter how hard I tried, it's done.

I don't want to, but I have to move on.

As I said, no matter how hard you work it out, LDR won't EVER work.

trust me. I underwent twice and NOTHING worked.

it pisses me off, but what can I do?

and the next question is when am i going to change my relationship status?

you and I are different. everybody knows it.

As we have been together for about 2 years, finally I spotted major differences between me and you.

One. I will never be able to ignore you, or not to text you, or not to call you. Even though I shout out loud that i hate you, I don’t care about you anymore, etc etc. Trust me. Those are only words. No matter how deep you’ve hurt me, I won’t ever forsake you. But unfortunately, you can’t do that to me. I once made a mistake and you decided to ignore me whole day. You know that could bring me down, yet you still did it. Poor me. Perhaps you just don’t love me as much as I do. :(

Second. You are my first priority. and always be. I don’t know if this relates to the fact that girls are multi-tasking, but yes. I always spare my time for you, even when I’m busy doing something else. I can text or call you when I’m driving (of course, I stop for a while. I am not that crazy!), when I’m studying, when I’m shopping, when I’m eating, even when I’m sleeping! And yeah, I choose you over my friends. Don’t you know how much time I’ve spent only for you? If I were you, maybe you’d better be outside with your friends, having dinner, studying, etc, rather than being with me. But I still choose you, because you are my first priority. But unfortunately, you can’t do that to me. You really forget me when you’re with your friends, don’t you? Well, I’m trying here neither to judge not blame you, since you are barely out with your friends. But, can you spare me a little time of yours?

Third. I love you, as simple as that. I just can’t live without you. I am addicted to you. Don’t you know how much it hurts when you ignore me? It’s like you’re longing for your drugs, yet you don’t have it. I can’t sleep. I lose my apatite. I cry. You might not have experienced it before, therefore you can’t imagine it. I am not exaggerating, as you might feel. Call me an depressive girl. But I AM FUCKINGLY LONGING FOR YOU! But unfortunately, you don’t feel the same way with me. you can live without me.

Well, I don’t judge you. I wrote this post based on my point of view. I’m sorry if someday you read this, and you are offended.

Please take care of my heart. There’s a “handle with care” sign attached to it.

Have a good day!

Morning mail, and that sounds bad. :(

I told the whole world (actually it’s not the whole world, but simply everybody who read my blog and tumblr), that when I say I don’t care, I really mean it.

I posted it on my tumblr and if I’m not mistaken, I tweeted it too.

But you see, when I woke up in the morning, the first thing I did is calling you and ended up you weren’t picking it up. Even, I was thinking about you in the whole night, you forced to come into my dreams and stayed there. That’s why I wasn’t sleeping well these two nights.

I am a woman with words. These words are contradictive to what you’ve heard. I ALWAYS say I don’t care, I won’t call you first, you are not important anymore for me, I hate you, etc etc etc. But those are just words. Do I have courage to do that? Nope. Do I have strength to do that? Nope. Do I have HEART to do that? Nope.

I simply can’t do that to you. See? I SWORE to myself, I won’t call you, unless you call me first. But what happened was, I woke up in the morning, I checked on my phone and skype, realized there were no missed calls, and yeah, I called you. And you didn’t pick it up.

Is that my fault? Is that my fault for depending too much on you? For thinking too much of you? For hoping too much for you?

If I could control myself, I would definitely avoid you. I’d better be thinking about something else, which is more significant, than thinking about you.

Or maybe, someone out there, who has similar problem in controlling feelings like me, wants to share? I desperately need someone who can stop me thinking about you.

unpredictable christmas

sebenernya sih gue udah ada feeling.

dan ternyata feeling gue masih jalan.

and it was damn right.

i met him.

yeah.

not offiacially met him, soalnya gue cuma liat punggung dy.

yang ketemu tu si gaby utie ma rani.

dan gilanya. tu orang beserta keluarganya duduk disebelah keluarga gue.

yes.

casey pandutaruna dan keluarganya duduk disebelah keluarga gue.

hebat yak. begitu udah gak hubungan, duduk samping2an.

what a coincidence.

satu hal yang menyentil gue malem ini.

bukan pertemuan tidak sengaja gue sama si mbah surip.

tapi bokap gue.

i know he concerned about me.

tadi aja pas pulang gereja, gue ditarik pulang cepet2 supaya gue gak ketemu si mbah surip gila itu.

padahal, gue pengen ketemu dy.

bukan buat apa2. gue cuma pengen senyum ke dia dan menunjukkan bahwa im fine, cas.

beneran.

gue pengen nyelametin dy natal like nothing happened between us.

tapi bokap gue terlalu takut gue masih belom over dari kc.

jadi dy narik gue pulang cepet2.

resulting: gue gak ketemu si mbah surip. at all.

dan apa balesan gue buat bokap gue???

gue malah bad mood (tentu aja bukan gara2 gue gak ketemu si mbah surip) dan gue malah ndekem dikamar gue...

begitu sadar, udah tengah malem.

bokap udah tidur.

terus martabak yang dia beli buat gue, tergeletak gitu aja di meja depan kamar bokap.

bokap udah tidur. sendirian.

karena nyokap ma adek gue ngegosip di kamar gue.

gue anak macem apa sih?

gue tau gue sering bgd slek ma bokap.

but i know he loves me much.

dan gini balesan gue.

di malem natal.

gue malah online dikamar.

pas gue masuk kamar bokap, tv masih nyala dan dy udah tidur.

gue langsung rasanya bersalaaaaaahhh bgd.

mo gue cium, tapi takut dy kebangun.

dan apa yang gue lakukan?

nangis di GUA MARIA.

cengeng, iya.

tapi gak tau kenapa gue emang lagi pengen nangis.

ditambah lagi, malem ini G ketiduran..

gak jadi telpon gue.

padahal gue kangeeeeeennn bgd denger suara dy.

dy udah kaya drugs buat gue sekarang.

udah addicted.

kalo gak denger suara dy sehari ajaa, rasanya ada yang ilang.

dan sekarang dia ketiduran.

gak mo nyalahin dy sih..

dy pasti kecapean setelah jalan2 seharian di bali.

ditambah lagi dy tadi badmood dengan alasan yang gak jelas.

dad, i love you.

no title

iyah. no title.

gue cuma mo cerita aja gimana keadaan gue belakangan ini.

im bored to the max.

sumpah mati. hari2 gue serasa lewat gitu aja tanpa hal yang berarti.

bangun siang. makan. bengong. makan lagi. tidur siang. bantuin nyokap dikit2. makan lagi. online ampe tengah malem. tidur.

i swear.

that's what i do everyday.

masih untung kemaren ini gue nginep rumah mi lyan.

jadi setidaknya grafik idup gue agak sedikit menanjak.

semua orang udah nyuruh gue jalan ama temen2 sma gue.

tapi.. entah kenapa gue males.

males ketemu mereka. walopun gue tau kalo gue ketemu mereka gue pasti seneng.

tapi bikin rencananya itu loh. males.

dan lagi mereka masih sibuk uas.

jadi mana bisa ketemu?

gue aja ampe detik ini belom ketemu ika ma icel.

padahal jelas2 mereka kuliah di belakang rumah gue.

kaco...

dan bbrp hari ini G pergi liburan ma keluarganya..

yang berarti dy bakal nyuekin gue.

well. gue gak mau nyalahin dy krn dy jarang bales sms gue dan bahkan gak bisa telp gue.

tapi kadang gue ngerasa kesepian bgd gak ada dia.

sampe kadang gue ngerasa dia bosen sama gue..

ah.

gak tau ah. kebanyakan mikir negatif.

gue sampe gak berani kangen sama dia.

takut ketergantungan.

walopun jujur, dikit2 gue liat hape dan sadar dy gak sms.. :(

belom lagi gue yang gak betah di rumah.

nyokap ma adek gue adalah hal yang bikin gue seneng dirumah.

uh.

pengen cepet2 pulang malaysia............................................................................!!!

another fact that truly hurts me.

well, if only i could tell the whole thing that i feel...

but, it is an open-read blog, so i better keep my mouth shut.

to someone.

you know who you are.

it is true that we all have past.

i DO have one.

and so do you.

to be honest, knowing your past, which is not come out from your mouth, really hurts me.

when i knew it, it felt like i was punched over and over again.

i cried, i groaned, i moaned.

this thing has been filling my head since i started to think about you more.

im not sure about your feeling.

even though you tried to convince me, im sorry dear, deep inside my heart, there is something that makes me...gak percaya sama kamu.

but im trying to believe in you.

please help me.

coz without your help, it will be nothing.

be honest with me and everything is gonna be alright.

i love you.

(091209)