I am at the moment sitting in front of my workstation, in my small office, doing nothing, while waiting for jobs to be given. But it seems like nothing in a short moment is worth to do. So, I decide to just blog.

I am a mess.
I hate myself.
Not that I could recall, I never hate myself this much.
Pardon me, hey dear readers who do not like gloomy post, just press "close" at the top right hand side of your screen.

I am feeling emptiness.
It's like there is a big chunk drops to my head and at the same time, there is a big hole gnawed me from the inside.
The pain is just, indescribable.

You may run away from the things you hate.
You may hide from the things you don't want to see.
You may pretend from the things you don't want to feel.
But, how if it is yourself who you hate, who you don't want to see, who you don't want to feel?
How could you run away? How could you hide? How could you pretend?

NEW YEAR!

Wow, see how busy I have been these days!
Apparently too many things need to be told these days, but instead of writing them down, I chose to live them up.
Saying "see you again", meeting new people, going around and having fun, working, and meeting old pals have been fulfilling my days recently. As I told you in the previous post, David already went back to Indonesia, followed by Epi, Mei, Yoan, and finally Topel. Well, I was trying to convince myself that I would definitely meet them again in the next couple months. :)

~Epi and Mei's farewell with Lia and Gibon~

~Yoan and Topel's farewell with Syl and Ley~

And yeah, I'm kinda busy in the office now, working on the QC, Internal and External audit, and the development of cassava fries. Days in the office are full of filling up parameter checks, doing series of peeling-cutting-steaming-and-frying cassava fries, and checking up on company's documents. Tiring, but many new things I've learnt. :)

My new year's eve is a blast. I spent the night with Ley, Lia, Jetink, Novita, Syl, and Erick. I thank God for the night. We laughed, we drank, we played. Ah, such an unforgettable new year's eve :)

~Syl, Erick, Ley, me, Lia, Dedek, & Jetink~

Let me review this whole year.
2011.
Many things have changed.
Many things have been learnt.
Many things have gone.
Many things have come.

The first six months were the hardest. I am a person who gets easily broken when it comes to love. And to be honest, the first six months of 2011 were hard for me because yeah, I had problems with my (ex) bf.
The climax was on July. We broke up. But I believe (and prove it myself) that brought me to a better life.
After the break-up, I enjoyed myself more with my friends. As the proverb says "Sometimes you have to let good things fall apart, so better things can fall together". I prove that myself.
Being single is not as bad as I thought before. You have more time for enjoying time with friends and your own self.
Moreover, I've made more friends, I've traveled to good places, and I've enjoyed my time more.

So yeah, I can proudly say, 2011 finally replaces 2009 as my favorite year!

So, what are next year's resolutions?
One, I really want to be able to control my emotions. any kind of emotions. anger, sadness, jealousy, and other negative thoughts.
Two, I want to try using contact lenses! Gosh, sometimes I hate my rapid reflection.
Three, I want to control my feelings. I don't want to fall for wrong person anymore. That fuckin' hurts and I don't want to get hurt anymore!
Forth, GRADUATE FROM MONASH!

Can I achieve all resolutions? Let's see then! :)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Credit goes to Sylfester Arian Gunawan

HEY this is me!

*cleaning out the dust*
*sneezing badly*

Well, folks. If my blog was a room, I supposed there would be so much dust and many spiders in it.
Coz yeah, I rarely update this blog. :)

Quick update.
I am now a fifth-semester student in Monash Uni.
Quite free for these weeks. But pretty sure I'm gonna be like a busy bee for following weeks. :)

And in this post, I wanna do something stupid. I got these questions from my tumblr : www.nadyakarina.tumblr.com :)
Check these out!

Weird things you do when you're alone
Dancing like crazy. like I'm in a club.

How have you changed in the past two years?
I've become stronger, mentally and physically. I've become more independent. But I've lost much trust to people.

What kind of person attracts you?
Friendly. Talkative. Easy going. Responsible. Smart.

What you wear to bed?
Daster. (some kind of dress of pajamas)

5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex
Opposite sex: smoking. stinky. long hair. can't drive. "gombal".
Same sex: smoking. bitchy. arrogant. disloyal.

The person you like and why you like them?
You sure? It's like I'm gonna mention all my best friends. and this is gonna take loads of words to describe the reason why I like them.

You opinion on cheating on people
I did cheat once. But the thing is, nobody likes to be cheated on, right? If I am cheated on? I'm gonna take a revenge, of course.

Something you're currently worrying about
To be honest, I am worried that I am not gonna marry anybody. I am worried I am gonna be single forever. *sigh.

Your last kiss?
July 17th, 2010.

Your views on drugs and alcohol
Alcohol yes. Drugs BIG NO.

Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
SINGLE IS GOOD. especially when you still have someone that puts attention to you. :)

Things you want to say to your ex?
Thank you for coloring my life back then. My life would be sooooooo flat without you. :)

A date you would love to go on?
Well since i love traveling so much, I prefer a trip-date, meaning we (two of us) go somewhere like Genting or Cameron Highlands together. :)

Something disgusting you do
I poo everywhere, like in every place, I've ever pooed. Of course in the toilet, not in the highway or in the table.

The best thing to happen to you this week
Uuumm... I think this Thursday. I got no class, so I spent the day with watching The Mentalist, creambath-in, luluran-ing, and doing my lab reports. and oh yeah, I went to practice choir too. :)

3 things you are proud of about your personality
Friendly. Loyal. Warm.

THings that make you scared
FLYING ON THE AIRPLANE. animals. to be forgotten. to be left out.

Disrespecting parents
Well, I used to be disrespecting my parents back when I was a pre-teenager. But I'm trying not to do that anymore.

Something that never fails to make you feel better
When I am in bad mood, I usually eat indomie and talk to my girl friends, and eventually I feel better.

The last argument you had
I forget.

Something you can't seem to get over
My first ex.

10 things about you people don't really expect
Well I am quite easy to predict. But people do not know that:
I like horror movie. I eat indomie more often than people think. I still stalk my first ex's fb (using one of my friend's account). I was once expelled from my home. I dislike one of my current friends. What else huh?

Something you always think "what if..." about
I used to think "what if I have not gone to Malaysia, me and my first ex would have never broken up" and "what if my second ex has not gone to NZ, me and my second ex would have never broken up".
Well, I'm pretty satisfied with my life, except for my love relationship.

Things you want to say to 5 different people
Casey: Let's befriend again! I am tired having a cold war with you.
Nicky: I miss you babe. :(
Lia: You are my little angel. Thanks for always being here when I need you the most.
Mum: I miss you miss you miss youuuuuuu.
Dad: YOU ARE THE BEST DAD. KEEP FIGHTING OVER THOSE DICKHEADS!!!!!!!!!

10 ways to win your heart
*well this is a little bit materialistic, i know. but hey I'm just trying to be honest!*
1. show that you are interested with me.
2. prioritize me over others (especially other girls)
3. accompany me all the time.
4. be responsible with your own life. how could you be responsible with me if you can't take responsibility over yourself?
5. be smart. i don't like guys who are lazy to go to school or work.
6. show me that you can drive! hahahaha.
7. be tidy. have a hair cut. don't smoke.
8. be strong and manly.
9.well, i likely to be attracted to a photographer. but you don't have to be one actually.
10. you have to be taller than me. :)

Your religious beliefs
I believe in Jesus.

Talk about your siblings.
My brother is THE BEST. I love him like VERY MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH. We are like couple. We like to sleep together, play games, heart-to-heart, like everything! We never fight, at all. If we argue about something, we just need less than 1 hour to "baikan". Last time we fought i think couple years ago.

The month you were happiest this year and why
um.. July? Coz I broke up with my ex (oh how I love the feeling of relief), I spent days with my family. and even when I was back to Malaysia, my friends were here waiting for me. and no assignments assigned yet. :)

A picture of yourself.

What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month
What changed? umm. i don't think something has changed much. But I do hope I will get closer to someone next month!

LOST

Wow, look at my last post. It was posted on April, and see? It's already mid June.
Well what you have to understand is for an amateur writer like me, who does not have talent in writing, i need extra effort and good mood to post something in my blog. Plus, my assignments and (NOW) my exams seem distracting me from writing.

Anyhow, there are MANY things I am supposed to write.
My midbreak getaway to Malaka with Arnold, Lia, and Dicky.
My sudden-crazy-plan weekend escape with Jessyca, Sylfester, and David.
Both getaways were SOOOOOOOO, um, what you called it, exciting!
Yeah, besides my never-ending-assignments-and-lab-reports. *sigh*
Don't think life could be pleasant these days.

But in this post, I don't plan to share my exciting getaways, but more about my thought, just now.
I was just waking up from my nap, when I read the timeline in Twitter.
One post from @jcqlie interested me.

"Just for once, I want someone to be afraid of losing me"

Those words pricked me. right away to my heart.
I ask myself, "Have they, who admit to be my friends, ever been afraid of losing me?"
It did not take even a minute for me to have the answer.
No, I don't think so.

Let's start from my boyfriend. *I really hope he does not have the time or interest to read my post*.
I don't think he is THAT afraid of losing me, like i am FREAKINGLY afraid of losing him.
He got all he's wanted. Good looking face, good fortune, good posture, good inner beauty. Who doesn't want him? It is super easy for him to find a girl, of course better than me. But I don't know why he still sticks with me after all this time. I don't think my existence is THAT matter for him.

And my friends.
To be honest, there are two best friends, few special friends, and many friends that I have.
First best friend. I don't need to mention her name, but she really is special for me. It's like I never have someone who understands me deeply like she does. I am like finding my other half soul. I will do everything to  "maintain" my superfriendship with her. But what's on the other side? I don't think that I am matter for her anymore. Well, I don't expect to be that close, like we used to be. At least, I still want to be the first person whom she tells for everything. But seems like she's found new exciting world, without me in it.
Second best friend. She's like my little sister. Superb, I can say. I can't thank her enough for accompanying me when I am down. or up. or whatever. She used to depend on me. Well, it is good to know that she's more independent, but I am afraid, I am not useful anymore for her. And being not useful is like a burden to me. Because it's like you are not needed by them, anymore.

My special friends.
I've got few special friends. and they come and go, without really think about my feeling.
I blame myself for it, but wait. I don't think that all are my faults. They've got new friends, started to be comfortable with them, and yes, you can tell the ending. They forget me.
These days, thank God, I have the opportunity to make new friends. I don't expect too much with these friendships I've just had. At the end, what's going to happen is, we leave each other. So yes, I don't put too much feelings on them, like I used to do to my old gank. You know how long it took to get over my feelings on my old bestfriends? a year. A freakin' full-of-efforts year.

Think that I am complicated?
Yes I am. I am THAT complicated when it comes to relationship.

Somehow, I wanna see who's crying on my funeral, if I am dying now.
My boyfriend? Will he go back to Indonesia, just to "send" me away?
My bestfriends? Will they shed a tear for me?
The only thing I am sure 100% is the lost-feeling that my daddy, mummy, and little brother feel.

The further I am thinking, the more I believe that I am the b*tch.
The b*tch who always asks for more.
who always carves more attention.
who always wants to be number one.
Because the thing is, we don't always get what we want, and we're not always number one.

I don't usually post something like this in my open-read-blog.
But for once, I just want to be honest with world.
You could be offended by reading this. but I'm sorry.

why revenge?

gue lagi mikir.
kenapa orang saling balas membalas.
misalnya si pacar cuek, elo bales nyuekin.
ato misalnya adek lo ngerusakin baju kesayangan lo, lo gantian ngerusakin tas dia.
kenapa harus gitu?

sambil main UNO, gue bolak balik mikirin jawaban buat pertanyaan gue.
gue tipe orang yang ga mau kalah.
gue ga suka diinjek2.
prinsip gue, "you can play with me, and so can I"
ga tau deh apa yang ngebuat gw bisa come out sama prinsip idup gw ini.

misalnya seseorang ngapain gw. apa kek.
terus gw berusaha banget cari cara biar bisa bales tu orang (well, i know that's definitely bad habit..)
gw istilahnya "ga mau kalah".
tapi terus gw mikir, misalnya pun gw udah bales tu orang, apa tu orang merasa gw bales? lebih parahnya lagi, apa orang itu sadar kalo gw sakit ati dan gw berniat bales tu org?

pasti orang-orang tanya, kenapa juga harus "bales dendam"?
soalnya gue merasa puas. walaupun orang itu juga mungkin ga sadar gue bales, tapi at least ada suatu kepuasan pribadi gue bisa ngelakuin hal yang sama kaya dia lakuin ke gue.

Everybody is imperfect kan?
buat siapapun yang baca blog ini, gue harap lo ga takut temenan ma gue.
gue ga sejahat itu kok.
gue temen yang baik. walaupun kadang2 nyebelin.
dan gue pacar yang baik juga. HAHAHAHA.

well, I'm mumbling.

layer of me

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.

Name: Maria Eleonora Nadya Karina
Birth Date: November 26
Current Location: Bandar Sunway, Selangor, Malaysia
Hair Color: Black
Righty/Lefty: Righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: to be left out, to be alone, altitude
Your dream of the perfect date: 3-days-trip-to-Redang-Island with him.
Goals you’d like to achieve: to be happy

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up: what time is it?
Your best physical feature: hair? legs? arm?
Your bed time: around 12 - 1 am
Your most missed memory: my 2009

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonalds (no good choice, apparently)
Single or Group Dates: group dates
Adidas or Nike: neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: both are good

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: no
Drink: no
Take showers: seriously? -_- of course.
Have a crush: not a crush, but ex. -.-
Like school: TOTALLY.
Believe in yourself: no
Believe what goes around comes around: yes
Believe everything happens for a reason: yes
Think you’re a health freak: god no

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: yesterday
Been on stage: no
Eaten sushi: of course yes
Been hurt: absolutely yes
Dyed your hair: no

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: nope
Kissed the same sex: yeah, cheeks and lips. (NO I'M NOT LESBIAN YOU PERV!)
Got beaten up: yes
Changed who you were to fit in: kinda

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 27?
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 2

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: pretty eyes, any color
Hair colour: black
Short or long hair: OF COURSE SHORT.
Fat or fit: fit
Looks or personality: both
Fun or serious: both

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: this
1 HOUR AGO: blackberry-ing
1 WEEK AGO: forgot dudeee..
1 YEAR AGO: breathing

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I feel: awful
I hate: FUCKIN' LDR
I hide: my feelings
I need: to get out from this godammit stupid feeling
I love: you

LAYER 12: FAVORITES.
Singer: David Archuletta
Colour: natural
Food: lechy
Things to do: hanging out, whatsapp-ing, travelling, watching movies,... studying. *sigh

LAYER 13: RANDOM.
How long have you known your best friend?: around 3 years
When’s the last time you kissed someone?: kissed, like snogging? July 17th, 2010.
What are you excited for?: nothing
Do you have any saved texts on your phone?: definitely yes

Morning mail, and that sounds bad. :(

I told the whole world (actually it’s not the whole world, but simply everybody who read my blog and tumblr), that when I say I don’t care, I really mean it.

I posted it on my tumblr and if I’m not mistaken, I tweeted it too.

But you see, when I woke up in the morning, the first thing I did is calling you and ended up you weren’t picking it up. Even, I was thinking about you in the whole night, you forced to come into my dreams and stayed there. That’s why I wasn’t sleeping well these two nights.

I am a woman with words. These words are contradictive to what you’ve heard. I ALWAYS say I don’t care, I won’t call you first, you are not important anymore for me, I hate you, etc etc etc. But those are just words. Do I have courage to do that? Nope. Do I have strength to do that? Nope. Do I have HEART to do that? Nope.

I simply can’t do that to you. See? I SWORE to myself, I won’t call you, unless you call me first. But what happened was, I woke up in the morning, I checked on my phone and skype, realized there were no missed calls, and yeah, I called you. And you didn’t pick it up.

Is that my fault? Is that my fault for depending too much on you? For thinking too much of you? For hoping too much for you?

If I could control myself, I would definitely avoid you. I’d better be thinking about something else, which is more significant, than thinking about you.

Or maybe, someone out there, who has similar problem in controlling feelings like me, wants to share? I desperately need someone who can stop me thinking about you.

Life, as you know it.

Have you ever been, like, living in the past?

yes, I have.

I live in my past. I don’t have any time-travel machine or something like that, but i DO live in past. I mean, I ALWAYS look back, resulting in regret. like Nelly Furtado sings, “why good things come to an end…”.

Why do good things ALWAYS come to an end?

I once had a perfect life. Best friends, good grades, good boyfriend, perfect family, good financial, etc etc. I had everything I’ve ever wanted. I enjoyed my life very much. I spent my weekends, enjoying my teenage life, outside the room. I clubbed. I had good dinners. I had trips around Malaysia. I studied hard and of course, got an honor for my college grades. Oh yeah, I cheated on my (ex)boyfriend. I worked part time in Jco and Pasta Zanmai. I went anywhere I wanted to go. I ate anything I wanted to eat. I did anything I wanted to do.

I lived my life back then. Well, I don’t say that my past was all about good things. There were some pretty bad things happened, like I broke up with my 7-years-boyfriend. It fuckin’ hurt me, emotionally and physically. But I recovered, very fast because I had some things else, which were more worth fighting for.

Compared to what happens now. ugh. I lost everything.

I lost my pleasure. I lost my spirit of life. I lost my confidence. I lost myself.

I am not a person who can STAY in the room for more than one day. I am not a person who can STARE at laptop for WHOLE DAY. I am not a person who can stay in the room on WEEKENDS. I am not a person who doesn’t have FRIENDS. I am a person of achievement. I am a person who LIVES my life to the max. I am a person who never FEELS alone. I am never alone.

But now? It’s like I’m losing myself. I am not Nadya Karina anymore. I am “Nadya Karina”, a body without a soul. Sometimes I feel like I’m a dead body who only have to do my jobs.

AARRGGHHH. And this afternoon, when I read my psychology lecture notes, I found out that I might have had depressive disorder. The symptoms written really explained my condition. Extreme sadness, self-blame, sense of worthlessness, absence of pleasure, decreased sleep and apetite, and feeling vulnerable. OMG. This is so me. I tell you. I’ve got all the symptoms!

Maybe I should check to any psychologist back in my hometown. I think I need more than “sharing” sessions. I need medications! ASAP!

no title

iyah. no title.

gue cuma mo cerita aja gimana keadaan gue belakangan ini.

im bored to the max.

sumpah mati. hari2 gue serasa lewat gitu aja tanpa hal yang berarti.

bangun siang. makan. bengong. makan lagi. tidur siang. bantuin nyokap dikit2. makan lagi. online ampe tengah malem. tidur.

i swear.

that's what i do everyday.

masih untung kemaren ini gue nginep rumah mi lyan.

jadi setidaknya grafik idup gue agak sedikit menanjak.

semua orang udah nyuruh gue jalan ama temen2 sma gue.

tapi.. entah kenapa gue males.

males ketemu mereka. walopun gue tau kalo gue ketemu mereka gue pasti seneng.

tapi bikin rencananya itu loh. males.

dan lagi mereka masih sibuk uas.

jadi mana bisa ketemu?

gue aja ampe detik ini belom ketemu ika ma icel.

padahal jelas2 mereka kuliah di belakang rumah gue.

kaco...

dan bbrp hari ini G pergi liburan ma keluarganya..

yang berarti dy bakal nyuekin gue.

well. gue gak mau nyalahin dy krn dy jarang bales sms gue dan bahkan gak bisa telp gue.

tapi kadang gue ngerasa kesepian bgd gak ada dia.

sampe kadang gue ngerasa dia bosen sama gue..

ah.

gak tau ah. kebanyakan mikir negatif.

gue sampe gak berani kangen sama dia.

takut ketergantungan.

walopun jujur, dikit2 gue liat hape dan sadar dy gak sms.. :(

belom lagi gue yang gak betah di rumah.

nyokap ma adek gue adalah hal yang bikin gue seneng dirumah.

uh.

pengen cepet2 pulang malaysia............................................................................!!!

Nadya's Wishlists

entah kenapa belakangan ini gue lagi banyak pengennya.

sampe bingung sendiri gimana cara wujudin keinginan gue.

masalahnya adalah wishlist gue berhubungan sama orang lain. :(

i wanna share my wishlists.

here they are:

1. BOKAP GAK MARAH PAS TAU TTG NILAI GUE.

ya ya ya. gibon udah bolak balik ngomong ke gue kalo gue harus secepetnya ngomong ke bokap soal nilai gue yang jongkok semua ditambah env gue yang gatot, alias gagal total. tapi, sampe detik ini gue masih belom nemu waktu yang tepat buat bilang ke bokap gue. masalahnya adalah: i am his perfect daughter. bokap JARANG BGD kecewa sama gue soal education. huh.

2. BACK TO MALAYSIA EARLIER.

honestly, i feel more secure being in Malaysia rather than Indonesia. kalo ditelusuri, mungkin karena gue merasa lebih nyaman dan bebas di malaysia. selain gue bisa jalan2 sesuka hati gue, gue bisa jadi diri gue sendiri di malay. besides, i miss my bestfriends. really miss them.

im exhausted being here. udah gak ada kerjaan, gak ada temen (entah kenapa gue jadi males keluar ma temen2 gue), ditambah lagi kayanya aura rumah gue udah gak nyambung sama gue. bayangin aja. kerjaan gue sehari2:

bangun siang - ke pasar - makan pagi - bengong - makan siang - tidur siang - bangun - nganter sinyo les - bengong lagi - makan malem - cuci piring - online (this is my favorite part of the day) - tidur.

im not lying. really. for godness' sake, those what i do everyday.

3. PENGEN PULANG KE SEMARANG.

mudik lah bahasa lainnya. gue kangen bgd sama semarang. terus juga gue pengen ketemu someone disana. pengen ke lawang sewu (harus temenin aku ya!). pengen makan nasi ayam. pengen makan eskrim yang gue lupa namanya. pengen makan soto ijo. pengen makan apa tuh namanya.. lupa (i'll ask my mum later). pengen liat tugu muda. pokoknya pengen muter2 semarang!

4. PENGEN TRAVELING KE PENANG

yang ini sih agak gak mungkin.. soalnya waktunya gak tepat. jadwal libur gue ma anak2 udah beda. monash, vu, ma lancaster kan punya holidays yg beda2. pas monash ma vu masuk, lancaster libur. begitu monash vu sibuk, lancaster free. nti giliran monash free, gantian lancaster yang sibuk. weee. kapan ke penangnyaa???

gue udah tanya2 soal penang sama masternya (baca: ching2). even ya, gue bisa dapet diskonan buat hotel! hahahah.. gue juga pengen jalan2 naik aeroline. maklum, orang kampung. gak pernah naek bus tingkat. wkwkwk..

5. PENGEN PUNYA BONEKAAAAAA...

kemaren ini pas si ching2 main ke rumah, dia cerita kalo dia dikasi boneka banyak banget sama tante mel. huhuhuhu. mau satu tanteee... cak manoo.. di kamar gue yang di malay gak ada boneka sama sekali. ada satu boneka koala dari si mbah surip yang kecilnya ampun2an. tapi buat apa gue pajang lagi tu boneka gak guna? mau beli boneka, tapi harganya yahud.

yaaa.. paling nunggu ada duid, terus beli boneka teddy bear yang sedeng yang kaya punya epi deh.

6. PENGEN BISA NYETIRRRRR..

gue lama2 jamuran kalo disuru belajar sama nyokap. gilak. nyokap parno abis. masak gue baruuuuu jalan berapa senti (sumpah!), nyokap udah teriak2... gimana aku bisa nyetir mami sayaaangg???? mo ngeles juga jadi males. buat apa les, kalo gak bisa latian pake mobil sendiri?

bisa si gue latian pas di malay. toh gue udah punya instruktur pribadi (yg GALAK bgd).. tapi kan gue balik malay masih lamaaaa.. :(

7. PENGEN KE LITTLE GENTING.

sempet nyesel deh gue gak belok ke little genting pas hari terakhir gue di malay sebelom pulang indo. satu hari setelah gue pulang, niki gibon sindu makan2 di little genting. bleh. jadi pengen ke sana tau gak..

8. PENGEN BELI DRESS2 LUCU.

ada untungnya juga ya punya papi yang aneh bin ajaib. masak ya, kemaren ini, gue sekeluarga jalan2 ke lippo. dan tiba2 bokap mengeluarkan statement yang bikin gue kaget bin seneng. "SANA CIK, BELI BAJU YANG BANYAK" ohmai. bayangin. gue rasa semua cewek di dunia ini iri sama gue. buuuut, unfortunately, gue gak nemu dress yang lucu. cuma dapet 1 doang. wee.

9. PENGEN MAKAN TAKOYAKI.

tadi gue ngeliat album gibon yang baru, oldies. ada foto takoyaki. mendadak pengen makan takoyaki di pyramid.

10. PENGEN KETEMU SAMA SOMEONE.

beneran deh. liburan ini dy gak keluar dari kepala gue. kangen bgd sama diaaaaaaaa....

huhuhuhuhuhuhu... :(

i miss you so much guling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dan poin nomer 10 yang bikin gue gak enjoy sama liburan gue.

10 poin dulu deh. sisanya gue post lagi kalo udah keinget. haha..

nite folks. udah jam 1 nih. masih belom bisa tidur juga tuh si guling.

kasian...

another fact that truly hurts me.

well, if only i could tell the whole thing that i feel...

but, it is an open-read blog, so i better keep my mouth shut.

to someone.

you know who you are.

it is true that we all have past.

i DO have one.

and so do you.

to be honest, knowing your past, which is not come out from your mouth, really hurts me.

when i knew it, it felt like i was punched over and over again.

i cried, i groaned, i moaned.

this thing has been filling my head since i started to think about you more.

im not sure about your feeling.

even though you tried to convince me, im sorry dear, deep inside my heart, there is something that makes me...gak percaya sama kamu.

but im trying to believe in you.

please help me.

coz without your help, it will be nothing.

be honest with me and everything is gonna be alright.

i love you.

(091209)

here i come, Indonesia...

im back, ppl.

back to my place. indonesia. banten. tangerang. bsd.

here in my home sweet home.

but surprisingly, i dont feel like im at home.

no.

i feel im in the middle of nowhere.

and i hate to admit that i miss malaysia already..

really.

i damn miss malaysia.

sunway pyramid.

my new room in LV.

takoyaki.

lunchbox.

especially someone out there.

i'll be here for three months. i just cant imagine how life will be boring here.

what am i gonna do to fill my holiday????

*ps: i miss you damn much, guling....

MALAM PERTAMA :)

ekekke..
serem amat judul postnyaa.
gak gak..
tenang aja.. bukan dalam arti harafiahnya kok.

gue baru aja melek. pertama kali bobo di kamar baruu..
:)
lumayan enak lah. langsung berasa homie bgd..
walopun semuanya masih berantakan.. :)

pindah.pindah.pindah.

gilak. gue gak nyangka barang gue udah kaya barang satu kampung pengungsian.
banyak bangett...

semalem gue packing (baju doang loh, ppl! BAJU DOANG!) ampe punggung encok, mata pedih, kepala puyeng, perut mules.
jadi bisa dibayangkan berapa banyak baju yang gue pack???
buat nampung semua baju gue dibutuhkan:
1 koper super besar (pinjaman dari Nick)
1 koper lumayan besar (milik sendiri)
1 tas tenteng debenhams yang lumayan besar (milik sendiri juga)

kacau.
ni gue lagi rehat sambil nunggu asisten pindahan gue (baca: Nicky Rahardjo) selese kelas.
punggung gue encoknya gak abis2...
rasanya kalo udah ngadep laptop, bawaannya males banget mo beres2.. huh.
padahal barang masih banyak banget di kondoo...
mamaaaakk...
udah capek bgddddd!

ni masih ujan.. padahal mo ngambil barang lagi dari kondoo..