Creepy Christmas 2010

hey folks!

Christmas has passed and New Year is coming

! Yeey!

So much to tell, lately, especially about my creepy Christmas.

a bit late, i know! but better late than nothing, rite?

On December 24th, I went to Christmas Holy Mass in my Church, together with Paula, Stella, Sandra, Elvis, Indra, Nando, and Rezty. Well, not so much for a christmas eve, but enough. I kinda missed my family. this was my first christmas without them. But thank God, I got friends to celebrate my christmas.

And we celebrated christmas in one of most well known restaurant nearby, Murni SS2. Ley, Damian, and Pei Vern were coming later a

nd celebrating xmas with us.

*pei vern . ley . elvis . sandra . indra . me . paula . stella . damian*

(Pardon me, but i prefer telling this creepy christmas in Indonesian!)

Percaya nggak percaya, hari Natal yang sebener2nya malah lebih "aneh".

Setelah ngantuk-ngantuk ria, karena mesti nganterin Pei Vern balik ke Kelana Jaya, gue "nongkrong" di kamar Stella. Ngobrol ngalor ngidul. Terus dilanjutin nonton "Chasing Liberty" (you guys should watch this movie. it's good to kill the time!) dan Ley ended up tidur ngorok.

And yeah, we (me stella and ley) spent Christmas day, doing nothing, sleeping, leha-leha-ing, etc. Sampe akhirnya kita memutuskan, "Christmas woy! Masak cuma dirumah kongkow2 nggak jelas gini? Ayo jalan2 ke pyramid! Makan apa kek!"

Jadilah, kita bertiga menghabiskan waktu sekitar satu jam buat musyawarah "Kita mau makan dimana". Dari yang cupu macem Mingtien, sampe yang out-of-budget macem Tony Roma's. Dan akhirnya kita mencapai mufakat. Kita makan di BBQ Plaza.

Because that was christmas, we wore red dresses and hiasan Natal di kepala. Segalanya terlihat menyenangkan. tapi, lagi2, kita emang kadang gak bisa nolak sial. *sigh.

waktu ke pyramid, gue yang bawa mobil. (iyeeee NYETIR mobil!!!).

keren woyyy! hahaha.

*um nggak keren sih nyetir kancil. tapi buat gue udah keren abis! secara kalo di indo, tiap ada nyokap gw cuma boleh muter2 kompleks, saingan sama anak tetangga gw yang muter2 pake sepeda*

as i said before, everything went normal. paling macetnya itulah yang gak tahan. sama cari parkirnya, kupret, susye bener.

NAH. satu hal yang nggak gue sadari adalah masalah ngikutin selama gue di pyramid.

lanjut cerita dulu deh.

berhubung BBQ plaza terlalu rame dan perut gue udah keruyukan, jadilah kita makan di Manhattan Fish Market. berhubung kita ketemu Wahid, jadilah kita makan bareng dia. :)

(dia plan buat pergi ke Fraser Hill ato apalah itu malem itu juga. macem Cameroon Highlands, tapi edisi lebih spooky. urrggh gw tempted banget buat ikutan!! sayangnya crazy team uda ngacir semua. satu balik indo, satu cabut ke NZ, satu ngilang ke US. tinggal gue deh yang gila)

*me . wahid*

*dedek . stella . ley*

Abis makan, yah, girls' habit, being camwhores.

we camwhored in like, everywhere, as long as that place got christmass tree or christmas ornaments.

and the "sialness" began.

pas nyampe parkiran, ley yang gantian nyetir. soalnya buat keluar dari pyramid, kita mesti "naik" dan gw gak bisa kalo disuru "stengah kopling". jadi kemudi saya serahkan kepada Ibu Ley.

kuprutnyaaaaaa.. mobil nggak bisa dijalanin. nggak bisa distarter. oh my god.

gw pikir, "nggak mungkin lah. masak malem natal sempet2nya kena sial sih?"

tapi ternyata gw salah.

gw pikir, si ley uda ngantuk kali ya, jadi masukin kuncinya melenceng.

taunya nggak.

terus, gw udah takut aja. pas diliat2, kunci mobilnya agak bengkok. sumpah gw takut banget. jangan2 tu kunci mleyot gara-gara gw taro di tas. *tapi ya masak kunci bisa mleyot. kan nggak gw dudukin?*

ih sumpah lah gw takut banget.

ini masalahnya sama mobil cuy. gak cuma masalah sama saman.

si ley tiba2 ngomong, "apa jangan2 akinya abis yah. soalnya kamu tadi gak matiin lampu, nad!"

omigotdragon.

si oon ternyata lupa matiin lampu mobil!!!!! (maap ya temen2. nggak pernah bawa mobil malem. biasanya sore, sekitar jam 5 ato 6, bareng anak2 balita yang lagi belajar jalan).

jelas aja akinya abis!!!

haissh..

terus ada satu om2 sama dua anak cowoknya berniat nolong kita.

mungkin dia sadar lah, something wrong sama mobil kita. secara cewek2, keliatan panik, mondar mandir, dan gak pergi2 dari parkiran.

dia datengin kita dan bicara pake bahasa planet. (well, bukan bahasa planet sih. dia ngomong bahasa mandarin. tapi, berhubung gw buta bahasa mandarin, jadilah gw kategorikan tu om ngomong bahasa planet).

"wo ching cau bla bla bla wo ai ni bla bla bla ni hao ma bla bla bla wo bu cek fan blubub blubub wo bu ce taooo blukutuk blukutuk.."

oke. enough. gw cuma bisa bengong ngeliat tu om berusaha menjelaskan ke gw, sesuatu yang gak gw mengerti.

gw cuma bisa tanya, "eh, can you speak english?"

dengan gagah berani si om menjawab, "NO"

matek. skakmat.

untung anak cowoknya langsung maju dan ngomong, "yes, can we help you" atau apalah gue lupa.

jadilah kita jelasin keadaan kancil kita tersayang. dan disimpulkan, aki si kancil emang abis.

and you know?

kita menghabiskan malam natal kita dengan mendorong mobil kancil kita tersayang dengan harapan tu aki bisa nyala lagi.

*urgh, uda cakep2 pake dress ma hiasan rusa di kepala, harus dorong2 mobil kaya kenek truk! ngepet.*

sialnya, tu kancil tetep gak mau distarter.

omg.

plis lah. masak malem natal masih bisa kena sial sih?

setelah dorong berapa meter, si om menyerah. dia ngomong bahasa planet lagi. kira2 artinya "wah, gak bisa ni kalau cuma didorong. kalian coba panggil montir atau bagaimanalah. saya sudah capek dorong mobil ini. sekarang saya mau pulang. ciao!" *sotoy.

dan pulanglah si om beserta kedua anak lelakinya, meninggalkan empat perempuan cantik dan malang di parkiran basement sunway pyramid. *sigh.

kita udah pusing banget lah.

telpon elvis, eeh dia nggak ngasi saran berarti.

udah mo telpon si bang Jusuf (fyi, suami gibon + yang punya mobil kancil), tapi takut disuru bayar aneh2.

jujur deh, gue udah desperate banget. waktu itu udah jam 11 malem kalo nggak salah dan kita masih nggak tau mesti ngapain.

akhirnya, stella mengeluarkan ide cemerlang. telpon Damian. (baca: ngerepotin Damian).

entah gimana ceritanya, akhirnya Damian ma kokonya, Koko Arief, dateng jauh2 dari Damansara ke Sunway Pyramid cuma buat nolongin kita. Haish. maap yah udah ngerepotin...

padahal gw rasa si Damian lagi spent quality time sama Ko Arief dan neneknya. Yaaa secara malem natal gitu. tapi dengan biadabnya, kita suru dia malem2 ke pyramid cuma buat bantuin kita.. :(

Lagi-lagi, selama nungguin Damian, kita berubah jadi camwhores lagi (ckck, emang dasar cewek =.="). Here are some photos!

*nape lo om, seneng liat 4 cewek cantik kena sial? :P*

Kedatangan Damian dan kokonya seakan membawa berkah di tengah malam bolong.

sumpah deh.

nggak ada mereka, nginep kali gue di pyramid.

Dia dateng sambil bawa air aki. terus gak tau deh, ko arief ngotak ngatik mesin bagian depan.

Terus ada satpam patroli tiba2 dateng, bantuin kita. masangan jumper ato apalah itu, buat nyetrum akinya.

dan begitu kancil gila bisa distarter, rasanya maaaakkk GILA LEGA ABIS.

bener2 lega. bisa ambil napas. bisa kentut dengan sempurna.

fiuh.

Mesin mobil kancil gak boleh dimatiin dulu. Jadilah kita keliling2 sunway dengan perasaan lega.

sampe sempet2nya muterin daerah mentari court cuma buat ngeliatin bencong. HAHAHA.

*emang Natal yang aneh.

ketemu bencong lucu2 deh. ada yang lagi nawar. ada yang lagi duduk.

macem2. tapi cukup ngebuat kita seneng lagi malem itu.

sempet juga mau mampir ke daerah Tiara buat liat rumah2 bagus (hey this reminded me of someone who used to live here before. :D ) tapi gagal soalnya gak boleh masuk. gue mesti boong2 sama satpamnya lagi, biar gak diusir secara tidak senonoh. haha...

yaahhh, Natal aneh. Creepy Christmas.

Tapi seenggaknya, ada cerita lah yang bikin gw tersenyum tiap inget my Christmas 2010.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR people!

have a blessed.

acknowledgement:

Om-om dan 2 anaknya.

Damian.

Koko Arief.

*liat deh bekas templokan tangan2-entah-siapa-yang-mendorong-kancil-gila.

layer of me

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.

Name: Maria Eleonora Nadya Karina
Birth Date: November 26
Current Location: Bandar Sunway, Selangor, Malaysia
Hair Color: Black
Righty/Lefty: Righty

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: to be left out, to be alone, altitude
Your dream of the perfect date: 3-days-trip-to-Redang-Island with him.
Goals you’d like to achieve: to be happy

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW
Your thoughts first waking up: what time is it?
Your best physical feature: hair? legs? arm?
Your bed time: around 12 - 1 am
Your most missed memory: my 2009

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald’s or Burger King: McDonalds (no good choice, apparently)
Single or Group Dates: group dates
Adidas or Nike: neither
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: both are good

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: no
Drink: no
Take showers: seriously? -_- of course.
Have a crush: not a crush, but ex. -.-
Like school: TOTALLY.
Believe in yourself: no
Believe what goes around comes around: yes
Believe everything happens for a reason: yes
Think you’re a health freak: god no

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: yesterday
Been on stage: no
Eaten sushi: of course yes
Been hurt: absolutely yes
Dyed your hair: no

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: nope
Kissed the same sex: yeah, cheeks and lips. (NO I'M NOT LESBIAN YOU PERV!)
Got beaten up: yes
Changed who you were to fit in: kinda

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: 27?
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 2

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye colour: pretty eyes, any color
Hair colour: black
Short or long hair: OF COURSE SHORT.
Fat or fit: fit
Looks or personality: both
Fun or serious: both

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: this
1 HOUR AGO: blackberry-ing
1 WEEK AGO: forgot dudeee..
1 YEAR AGO: breathing

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I feel: awful
I hate: FUCKIN' LDR
I hide: my feelings
I need: to get out from this godammit stupid feeling
I love: you

LAYER 12: FAVORITES.
Singer: David Archuletta
Colour: natural
Food: lechy
Things to do: hanging out, whatsapp-ing, travelling, watching movies,... studying. *sigh

LAYER 13: RANDOM.
How long have you known your best friend?: around 3 years
When’s the last time you kissed someone?: kissed, like snogging? July 17th, 2010.
What are you excited for?: nothing
Do you have any saved texts on your phone?: definitely yes

the crazy me is back!

actually, not completely.

but i guess i should thank HIM for giving me another chance to "live up" the real me.

i am crazy. i love challenge. i don't like staying home all day. i don't like being alone.

and here i am, the crazy me is back.

yesterday, i spent my morning doing nothing.

facebooking, tweeting, cooking (well, that could not be counted as cooking, since i spoiled my veggie *sigh), and watching old movies.

then, my friends asked me heading to MidValley.

and there we went, to one of my favorite mall in Kuala Lumpur, MidValley.

I felt the smell of Christmas there!

They really worked hard on decorating the main hall!

and see this picture below, me and my lovely super big micky:

urgh too bad i don't have dslr! the decoration was damn awesome!

We didn't spend too much time in MidValley, since we needed to catch Christmas Drama in Ley's church.

and you know what?

I wasn't regret for coming to that drama! It was AWESOME!!!!!!

This drama raised up my christmas spirit, which was a bit extinguished recently.

Good Job City Harvest! :)

and the trip continued to KTZ in ss2.

i was heading there with Damian's car.

the food was.. so-so. not that special. and it exacerbated my sore throat.

here it is, the famous honey dew loh.

and I was home at 12.30.

see, you see how the crazy me is back (pathetic, aren't I?)

well, don't compare to what I was back when I was surrounded by crazy friends, because it is all different now.

but, thanks God for letting me smile and feel the happiness & craziness once more.

*and besides, He gave another little surprise at night!!! :)

you know who you are

sincerely..

i love you, because you love me the way i am

i love you, because you will always say, "okay, you win"

i love you, because you always try making me happy and smile

i love you, because you're so patient

i love you, because you're brave

i love you, because you have the courage to defend me

i love you, because you don't want me to look bad in front of others

i love you, because you always trust me though i lied to you

i love you, because you always forgive me

i love you, because you know what to do to make me smile

i love you, because even though you know everything's impossible, you make it as if it's possible

i love you, because i enjoy every single second i'm with you

i love you, because you are willing to sacrifice your life for me

i love you, because i'm created to

i love you, because you never stop loving me

i love you, when you are being talkative

i love you, when you smile

i love you, when you hug me

i love you, when you hold my hand

i love you, when you say everything's gonna be alright

i love you, when you say, "you look good on that dress!"

i love you, when I see your caller ID appears on my skype, msn, or phone

i love you, when you want me to stay with you

i love you, when you tell me you need me beside you

i love you, when you tell me you can't live without me

i love you, when you say, "I LOVE YOU"

i love your eyes

i love your smile

i love your hair

i love your voice

i love your surprises

i love your scent

i love your style

i love your laugh

i love your craziness

i love your way to express your feeling

i love the way you always want everything to be perfect for me

i love your romance

i love the way you speak

i love the way you look into my eyes

i love the way you hug me

i love the way you love me

i love the way you cook

i love the way i can't let you go

i love the way you say, "but i can't swim"

i love the way you drive

i love the way you're attracted to me

i love the way you can't stop eating kebab

i love everything about you

he loves white

he loves caramel macchiato

he loves “udang goreng telur asin”

he loves crocs

he loves travelling

he loves photography and design and yes, he is an unbelievably amazing photographer

he loves 7

he loves ME

but,

all my loves have to be put on hold, until… I don’t know when.

we're meant to be, but not now.

I LOVE YOU.

my love

millions of love,

nadyakarina

ps: this post is taken from Michelle Hendra's blog with slight adjustment. Credit goes to this sophisticated girl.

love this blog!

oh how i thank to Michelle Hendra's blog coz it really repairs my bad mood!

okay, firstly, let me introduce this amazing blog.

it's kinda fashion blog, created by Michelle Hendra.

I am a secret big fan of her, anyway.

I really love the way she wears the outfits.

and the way she captures and edits the pictures.

and the way she chooses the words.

and the way she writes.

and everything!

REALLY. you guys should sneak a peak into her sophisticated blog.

and I am completely inspired by this girl.

Those outfits-matching can be such an inspiration.

of course I do know my limit.

I won't buy such things like she does. They are too much for an average girl like me. :p

Besides, I am not that into fashion stuffs and my father won't be sponsoring my shopping list (unless I get straight A's).

Thus, I need to figure out generic stuffs. (hey ManggaDua, wait for me!)

Other than the fashion thingy, I am so mesmerized by the photographs.

See the editing, the colours, the filters, the contrast, etc etc?

Too bad my internet connection is damn slow at the moment. I wanna post some of her pics, but I couldn't even open the blog. urgh.

and I love her body!!!!!

*secret: i am gonna try harder to lose some weight. 3 more kgs! c'mon!

okay, enough stalking this blog.

time to sleep. I almost contravene my own "oath", to sleep before 1 am. but it's now 12.58 am.

gotta go! :)

back to malaysia

hey fellas.

here i am, back to my not-so-called-home, malaysia.

you know what it felt to be me, today?

it was like, for the first time, stepping on Malaysia.

I flew with Garuda Indonesia, therefore I landed on KLIA, not LCCT (I used to land here, if I use AirAsia).

and to be honest, I miss him.

It was still crystal clear when he picked me up at KLIA, six months ago.

Back then, I walked as fast as I can. I still remember how my heart beat up waiting for his calls (since my number could not be used anymore). I still remember how I was stupid, waiting on wrong line when I claimed on my baggage. I still remember how he lied he was still on his way to airport. I still remember how he hugged me from my back (I didn't see him). I still remember how he held my hand when we were searching for our car. I still remember what happened, exactly.

But today, I was alone. together with those TKIs.

I was totally alone. I knew no one.

I was (and am) scared.

I was scared I was gonna remember you, again.

I was successful forgetting my feelings back in hometown.

but what happened? I remember you. :(

hey, you succeed moving on! you can do it here! :)

and today was not-so-good-day.

gue lupa beli majalah buat bacaan di malay.

jadilah gue beli di bandara.

ternyata harga majalahnya lebih mahal 2x lipat!

dasar konde!

Isn't it pathetic?

i accidentally got this from my Facebook.

Well, i barely open my FB account because I am just... scared.

Maybe I am scared because I'm not ready to get out my comfort zone.

After two days without FB (it is rare case, dear. because I AM a facebooker), finally I am online, again.

At first, I didn't want to open it, but I was curious.

and there you go. I spotted it in my Home.

and suddenly, all the walls that I have built break down.

suddenly, i feel i am pathetic.

We even haven't said "Happy 1st Anniversary, Sayang..."

But in a matter of fact, it's done.

No matter how hard I tried, it's done.

I don't want to, but I have to move on.

As I said, no matter how hard you work it out, LDR won't EVER work.

trust me. I underwent twice and NOTHING worked.

it pisses me off, but what can I do?

and the next question is when am i going to change my relationship status?

decision!

HELL YEAH.
i just made one of the biggest decision in my life.
well, this decision should have been taken months ago but i just did not have courage to do that, anyway.
*besides, actually i was forced to take this decision.

so far, it went well.
no great wound occurred.
no complication either.
it went well.
but i don't know what's gonna happen once i'll be back to Malaysia.
is the wound really disappeared.
or is it just closed temporarily by a bandage?
i hope there's no severe wound anyway.
i am sick of this.
i wanna live normally!
i don't wanna live with this illness!

well, my family helps me so much to go through this illness.
my bestfriends too.
they ARE freakishly amazing!
who predicts i could be healed this fast?
even, nobody realizes it, don't they?
nobody realizes coz i hide it well.
hahaha. because i am a good actress.
i should win an award. really. :)
but one person i should give thanks the most is my GOD.
Jesus is the one who lifts up my burdens, covers my wound, and heals my illness!

i really wanna live normally, like the others do.
because i feel like i'm crap. i'm a little weak girl who can do nothing.
:(

holiday?

One and half week has been passed.

I've been in holiday and this is why sometimes I hate holidays.

Well, I don't say I love school anyway.

tapi gue lebih suka sibuk dari pada bengong, nggak ada kerjaan kaya gini.

this is killing me.

karena gue gak ada kerjaan dan tidak ada yang gue pikirin, jadilah gue selalu memikirkan hal-hal yang tidak perlu dipikirkan.

and i hate this.

gue jadi nggak tenang.

gue jadi nggak bisa menikmat liburan.

OMG!!!!!

#abaikan saja post ini.

This is my story

www.this-is-my-story.com/v/XUBT4H5I9K1N

GUE EMANG NGGAK PERNAH BISA MOVE ON DARI ELO SEMUA!!

KENAPA EMANGNYA KALO GUE GAK BISA MOVE ON?

GUE FREAK?

IYAAAA???????????

hey hey, follow my boyf's cooking blog! :D

http://nickycookingadventure.blogspot.com/

cooking talent

my boyf has now become a cooking freak.

he likes to cook. he buys anything, such as

with-something-something sauce, beach-hat-alike mushrooms, what else? he watches cooking videos on youtube. he adores a cooking movie titled "julie & julia". and at the moment, he's writing a cooking blog.

well, i admit i can't cook.

my mother is an unbelievably natural chef.

my dad, even though there are only scrambled egg and omelette written in his cooking dictionary, but he cooks the best omelette i've ever tasted!

my brother? don't include him. he just likes to eat. anything.

and now, my boyf likes the same thing. cooking.

what happens to people around me, huh?

it's like everybody has special talent of cooking.

me?

i once cooked simple cornet beef fried rice.

i was like, 'c'mon nad. this is just simple fried rice. it's like everyone can cook. why can't you?'

and i started with a stupid accident.

i bought a can of cornet beef. the thing was, i did not know how to open it.

well yes, there was a can opener attached to the can, but i had no power to open it.

after 30 minutes attempting to crack the can, i gave up. i let my housemate do it.

but what happened next? she broke the can opener.

well, apparently that was my fault. hehe.

so, i spent about one hour trying to bang-bang the can with anything i could use.

finally, the can was cracked and the shape of the can was like, indescribable.

haha.

and what happened next was, I fried the egg.

but, i stupidly put insufficient butter on the pan, resulting the egg was sticked to the surface of the pan. *sigh.

i threw out the cooked egg and started with the new egg.

second attempt went well.

anyway, i was proud of my fried rice. i gave a small portion for my friend and she said, "this tastes good!"

:)

and the following day, since i have encouraged myself 'everyone can cook', i tried to cook another recipe.

"sawi tumis".

and that tumis tasted VERY VERY SALTY.

and yeah, i stopped cooking after that.

i like cooking. but it seems like i have no gift in cooking. hahaah.. :D

maybe i'll create another blog about travelling.

someday.

and i'll start with my journey in Malaysia.

and...

my boyf wants to contribute in this-coming-blog, perhaps? ;)

*he likes to travel too. a lot.

whole gank

i miss them. damn much. yes. that much, till I couldn't handle it anymore.

God, can I just turn back the time, when I could feel this happiness?

deferred exam

Hey folks, I'm back with good and bad news.

good news:

I AM FREE. yeah, actually, particularly free.

this good news led to bad news.

bad news:

i got sick when sitting for my last paper.

Well, it wasn't that crucial if i could stand the pain.

but unfortunately, i couldn't.

I decided to take deferred exam.

*sigh.

that's why i am particularly free.

and, HOLIDAY IS COMING!

start with Sherli's visit!

and i'll be back home on 17th!

you and I are different. everybody knows it.

As we have been together for about 2 years, finally I spotted major differences between me and you.

One. I will never be able to ignore you, or not to text you, or not to call you. Even though I shout out loud that i hate you, I don’t care about you anymore, etc etc. Trust me. Those are only words. No matter how deep you’ve hurt me, I won’t ever forsake you. But unfortunately, you can’t do that to me. I once made a mistake and you decided to ignore me whole day. You know that could bring me down, yet you still did it. Poor me. Perhaps you just don’t love me as much as I do. :(

Second. You are my first priority. and always be. I don’t know if this relates to the fact that girls are multi-tasking, but yes. I always spare my time for you, even when I’m busy doing something else. I can text or call you when I’m driving (of course, I stop for a while. I am not that crazy!), when I’m studying, when I’m shopping, when I’m eating, even when I’m sleeping! And yeah, I choose you over my friends. Don’t you know how much time I’ve spent only for you? If I were you, maybe you’d better be outside with your friends, having dinner, studying, etc, rather than being with me. But I still choose you, because you are my first priority. But unfortunately, you can’t do that to me. You really forget me when you’re with your friends, don’t you? Well, I’m trying here neither to judge not blame you, since you are barely out with your friends. But, can you spare me a little time of yours?

Third. I love you, as simple as that. I just can’t live without you. I am addicted to you. Don’t you know how much it hurts when you ignore me? It’s like you’re longing for your drugs, yet you don’t have it. I can’t sleep. I lose my apatite. I cry. You might not have experienced it before, therefore you can’t imagine it. I am not exaggerating, as you might feel. Call me an depressive girl. But I AM FUCKINGLY LONGING FOR YOU! But unfortunately, you don’t feel the same way with me. you can live without me.

Well, I don’t judge you. I wrote this post based on my point of view. I’m sorry if someday you read this, and you are offended.

Please take care of my heart. There’s a “handle with care” sign attached to it.

Have a good day!

Morning mail, and that sounds bad. :(

I told the whole world (actually it’s not the whole world, but simply everybody who read my blog and tumblr), that when I say I don’t care, I really mean it.

I posted it on my tumblr and if I’m not mistaken, I tweeted it too.

But you see, when I woke up in the morning, the first thing I did is calling you and ended up you weren’t picking it up. Even, I was thinking about you in the whole night, you forced to come into my dreams and stayed there. That’s why I wasn’t sleeping well these two nights.

I am a woman with words. These words are contradictive to what you’ve heard. I ALWAYS say I don’t care, I won’t call you first, you are not important anymore for me, I hate you, etc etc etc. But those are just words. Do I have courage to do that? Nope. Do I have strength to do that? Nope. Do I have HEART to do that? Nope.

I simply can’t do that to you. See? I SWORE to myself, I won’t call you, unless you call me first. But what happened was, I woke up in the morning, I checked on my phone and skype, realized there were no missed calls, and yeah, I called you. And you didn’t pick it up.

Is that my fault? Is that my fault for depending too much on you? For thinking too much of you? For hoping too much for you?

If I could control myself, I would definitely avoid you. I’d better be thinking about something else, which is more significant, than thinking about you.

Or maybe, someone out there, who has similar problem in controlling feelings like me, wants to share? I desperately need someone who can stop me thinking about you.

On this day of your life, Nadya, we believe God wants you to know ... that tonight you can turn your worries to God, and have a good night's sleep.
	You've been worrying too much about the future lately. So tonight, go ahead, put your faith in God, and just have a peaceful evening and a restful sleep.

Life, as you know it.

Have you ever been, like, living in the past?

yes, I have.

I live in my past. I don’t have any time-travel machine or something like that, but i DO live in past. I mean, I ALWAYS look back, resulting in regret. like Nelly Furtado sings, “why good things come to an end…”.

Why do good things ALWAYS come to an end?

I once had a perfect life. Best friends, good grades, good boyfriend, perfect family, good financial, etc etc. I had everything I’ve ever wanted. I enjoyed my life very much. I spent my weekends, enjoying my teenage life, outside the room. I clubbed. I had good dinners. I had trips around Malaysia. I studied hard and of course, got an honor for my college grades. Oh yeah, I cheated on my (ex)boyfriend. I worked part time in Jco and Pasta Zanmai. I went anywhere I wanted to go. I ate anything I wanted to eat. I did anything I wanted to do.

I lived my life back then. Well, I don’t say that my past was all about good things. There were some pretty bad things happened, like I broke up with my 7-years-boyfriend. It fuckin’ hurt me, emotionally and physically. But I recovered, very fast because I had some things else, which were more worth fighting for.

Compared to what happens now. ugh. I lost everything.

I lost my pleasure. I lost my spirit of life. I lost my confidence. I lost myself.

I am not a person who can STAY in the room for more than one day. I am not a person who can STARE at laptop for WHOLE DAY. I am not a person who can stay in the room on WEEKENDS. I am not a person who doesn’t have FRIENDS. I am a person of achievement. I am a person who LIVES my life to the max. I am a person who never FEELS alone. I am never alone.

But now? It’s like I’m losing myself. I am not Nadya Karina anymore. I am “Nadya Karina”, a body without a soul. Sometimes I feel like I’m a dead body who only have to do my jobs.

AARRGGHHH. And this afternoon, when I read my psychology lecture notes, I found out that I might have had depressive disorder. The symptoms written really explained my condition. Extreme sadness, self-blame, sense of worthlessness, absence of pleasure, decreased sleep and apetite, and feeling vulnerable. OMG. This is so me. I tell you. I’ve got all the symptoms!

Maybe I should check to any psychologist back in my hometown. I think I need more than “sharing” sessions. I need medications! ASAP!

emang dasar sial! =.=

ternyata perjalanan gw yang SUPER-AMAZING berlanjut sampe dua hari.

DAY ONE

i woke up EARLY in the morning. since i barely saw the sun rising in the morning, i was so excited looking at the sky. i started my day with stella, dedek, and ley, having dim-sum as our breakfast in ss2.

perjalanan dilanjutkan ke bangsar. SHOPPING TIME, GIRLS!

sayangnya pas nyampe sana, butik2nya belom pada buka. (sial #1) jadi mau gak mau kita mesti jalan2 di Bangsar Village, another unreachable mall. gimana mau reachable, toko aja unknown semua gitu (harganya jg "unknown"). kita muter2 kaya komidi puter, muterin tu mall yang sepinya uda ngalahin kuburan. yaa, ada photoshoot session jg sih. lumayan bisa buat mengisi waktu. :P

jam 12, we started to walk around Bangsar, masukin butik2 satu-satu.

nggak tau gmn, gw gak nemu2 baju. ampe capek sendiri. liat baju, mostly sih gw gak suka. begitu nemu yg suka, gak ada ukuran/jelek di badan/harganya najis.swt.

kita makan siang di papa rich, berhubung cuma itu satu2nya restoran terpercaya selain resto india & pub2 gt. mau gak mau deh makan situ. gw sumpah wkt itu uda super duper capek. gak ada niat lagi mo jalan2. tapi berhubung rugi kl gak muter ke semua butik, mau gak mau gw paksain diri jalan2 lagi abis lunch.

ada satu butik yang menurut gw sangat2 fair. blook. sebenernya si tu butik biasa aja. jual baju2 pesta gt, and they're quite good. tapi yang bikin ni butik unik adalah ukuran baju2 dia. rata. ada yang baut orang kurus, ada yang buat orang berisi. bahkan gw nemu satu baju yang sumpe gede abis. gw yg berisi (gak mo blg gendut ahhh.:P) aja bisa tenggelem di baju itu.

akhirnya gw masuk ke butik terakhir di bangsar. finally, i got one cute dress!!!! harganya mahal woi. 70rm. tapi berhubung tu baju cute bgd daaan, bisa bikin gw keliatan kurus, jadilah gw dengan berat hati beli tu dress. lucu dehh! :P

dan begitu balik ke mirror, *stella balik ke ni butik buat beli baju yang uda di"cim" dari pagi* gw nemu satu korean dress gt. lucu sih. *lucu bgd malah* sayangnya pantanya rada nyeplak gt. mesti diakalin nih. :P

naaaaaahhh.

kesialan kita dimulai setelah kita pulang dari bangsar.

pas nyampe mobil, kita mendapati ada dua kertas dijepit di wiper mobil.

pertamanya gw pikir tu advertisement aja. biasalah ditempel2 di wiper mobil.

taunya.. ITU KERTAS TILANG SODARA2. (sial #2 - and this led to another unluckiness aarrgghh)

jadi, gw yang emang lagi "high" gara2 kecapean, lgsg datengin officer disana.

ni officernya rada dodol jg si. gak gitu dong sama apa yg gw tanyain.

akhirnya ada bapak2 india gt. dia jelasin semua lah. dimana gw mesti bayar dkk.

dan kt si bapak gw mst bayar di DBKL Dewan B-something Kuala Lumpur. kl dalem bayangin gw si kaya samsat gt. tadinya uda mo diselesein hari itu juga, secara pas nyewa mobil.. eeeeeeeeehhh ternyataaaaaa..(sial #3) DBKL tutup jam 5 DAN saat itu uda jam setengah 6. supershit.

akhirnya kita memutuskan buat cari makan. berhubung masi terang dan kita berencana buat makan malem di alor, jadilah kita memutar halauan ke china town buat makan nasi babi yang super duper enak, buat snack gt laaa..

TAPI... sial #4 kita kesasar2. kita berempat adalah manusia yang tidak kenal arah, jadilah kita kesasar 2 jam, cuma nyariin china town. pas uda ketemu dan mo cari parkir, eeeh malah kelewatan dan malah jadi kesasar. gnteng banget dah. uda mana laper, tension jg gara2 kesasar2 molo (padahal uda pake gps loh) ahah. emang dasar disoriented. mo pake gps secanggih apapun, pasti kesasar. :P

gara2 uda pada kelaperan dan china town gk ketemu2 (kita cm muter2 di daerah yg sama mamen! dataran merdeka, DBKL, restoran warisan, taman negara, dkk =.=), akhirnya kita memutuskan buat langsung ke alor. secara uda jam 8 malem jg. sempet salah jalan jg si. mana iphone stella *baca:gps* baterenya abis. jd mau gak mau pake gps di bb ley. dan bb ley lemoooott. =.= kita ampe kesasar di satu jalan panjang yang gelap abis. gw uda ampe mikir aneh2 lah. takut dijambret lah. takut distop lah. takut diapa2in lah. takut ketemu hantu lah.. =,=

untung bukit bintang gampang ditemukan dan thanks god kita gampang nemuin parkiran. parah lah. kita uda super teler. capek. dkk. ley lah paling kasian. ya stres gara2 ditilang. stres gara2 jalanan rame. capek jg. ditambah stres gara2 kita (baca: gw ma stella) salah molo kasi jalan. hahahaa.

di alor, gw ma dedek makan nasi babi, si stella ma ley makan apa ya? kl gak salah cumi, kerang, ma sayuran gt deee. yaaah lumayan lah makanan2 di alor membuat kita "fresh" lagi. haha. abis dari alor, kita jalan2 ke daerah pavilion buat foto2 ampe mampus.

abis dari pavilion, pulang deh. uda teler bangettt.. =.=

tp jangan salaaaah. ada sial #5. kita pulang, lagi-lagi kesasar. *capek.

mana uda gelap banget cui. makin mikir yang nggak2 deh.

ujan pulak. =.=

dan gps di tempat ley bener2 gak bisa diandalkan. jalannya lambat banget. gw bener2 ngerasa legaaaaa banget begitu liat tulisan bandar sunway. rasanya nothing can replace the feeling of relieve pas baca tu plang. apalagi pas uda keliatan my lovely mall, sunway pyramid. aaaaaaa.. rasanya bisa bernapas!

and yeah, we ended our "journey" at 12.30 am and it's been 18 hours! *geleng2 pala.

DAY TWO

hari ini gw percaya, kalo sial emang gak bisa dihindarin. *ambil napas sebelom mulai cerita.

we started our day at 8 am. since we extended our rental time, we had time to have breakfast in ss15. makan mie babi (yea yea i know, always babi. :P) di deketnya uncle seng.

well, we thought that today would be fine.

perjalanan ke KL pagi ini berjalan dengan sangat lancar. gak kesasar. *soalnya ada gps iphone. :P

gw ampe seneng bener lah. malah sampe kepikiran mo puter2 KL kalo masi ada waktu.

dan gw seneeeeng banget pas liat gedung DBKL. dengan sombongnya kita berkata, "asik, uda ketemu gedungnya. cepet yah ternyata." *gw gak tau aja kesialan bertubi2 uda baris buat ketemu ma kita2.

begitu ley uda mulai masuk ke kompleks DBKL buat parkir, kita uda siap2 sama argumen kita soal tilang dengan bilang "well, we didn't know anything and we were not familiar with that place. besides, there were other cars parked there. we just followed them bla bla bla bla bkutuk blukutuk blublub" supaya denda kita direduced. hehe. *emang dsr orang indo.

nah, si sial mulai dateng. kt bingung mo parkir dimana dan yang ada malah KITA KELUAR DARI KOMPLEKS DBKL. sial #6

gw pikir, "alah, gampang. tinggal cari roundabout. nanti kita bisa balik lahhh.."

dan yang gak kita tau, cari roundabout di KL itu kaya nyari kutu di rambut. susye bener. kesasar molo. gw ampe apal sama yang namanya jalan semarang (sumpah namnya jalan semarang!) gara2 ngelewatin tu jalan bolak balik. =.= kita malah ampe kesasar arah jalan genting mamen. saking jauhnya kita kesasar! edan.

it took about half hour to find the right track! sampe akhirnya kita ketemu lagi ma tu gedung laknat.

kali ini gw ma stella turun duluan buat bayar sedangkan ley ma dedek cari parkir. di sono, gw ma stella sempet ilang jg si.

dannn pas ketemu sama officer di DBKL, dia bilang, "ooh, these two papers are different. this one you should pay here, but the other paper you should pay at balai polisi." PALE LO KOTAK. sial #7

sumpah gw uda lemes banget. tapi seperti biasa gw ngotot ma tu officer. *enak aja lo kire gw orang free dan banyak duid yg bisa kesana kemari????*

dia tetep bilang kl gw harus bayar kepisah. gw ampe kehabisan kata2 gt. akhirnya mau gak mau bayar tu fine. untung gw bayarnya within two weeks. jadi dapet diskon 50%. tapi ya same aje mamennn! keluar duit buat hal yg menurut gw, useless!

gw terus melanjutkan perjalanan ke balai polisi terdekat. di dpn china town. and you know, kita lagi2 kesasar. YAK PPL. GW KESASAR. gw ampe uda capek banget. capek pikiran capek badan.

dan akhirnya setelah tanya sana sini, kita nemu tu gedung polisi kampret.

kita berempat misah. si ley ma dedek jaga mobil di parkiran, gw ma stella jalan ke balai polisi. mana ujan deres dan kita gka ada yang bawa payung lageeee. sial #8

kita tanya sana sini mana gedung polisnya dan begitu kita sampe ke balai polisnya, TU POLISI2 GENDENG LAGI REHAT DAN BARU KELAR JAM 2. sial #9

gw ampe lemes loh. lemes beneran. mna kita tu janji ma mikhal buat balikin tu mobil jam 12, dan waktu itu uda jam satu dan ada orang laen mo minjem jadi kita mesti buru2 balikin. sial #10

gw gak ngerti deh knapa kita sesial itu hari ini. gw uda nggak ngerti mesti giamna lagi.

akhirnya ktia memutuskan buat balik. terus tiba2 kita kepikiran. denda yang satu ini kan bisa dibayar di balai polis manapun, kenapa kita gak bayar di sunway aja??? *ide pinter.

jadilah kita pulang. kesasar sekarang uda jadi hal common. kl gak kesasar gw malah feeling gak enak.

dan ditengah2 jalan, tiba2 aja ujan deres. (sial #11) ganteng bener dah. ujannya bener2 ngeledek. deres banget. mana wiper kaca mobil tu sumpe kotor banget. jarak pandang cuma satu meter. WOY KITA KAN MESTI LIAT PAPAN JALAN. capek deh. mata gw ampe nyureng2 gt tiap liat plang ijo. kampret. untung kita sampe sunway dg selamat.

uda brenti sialnya? BLOM SODARA SODARA.

begitu pulang sampe lv, kita langsung berangkat lagi ke pyramid, ke balai polisnya si... buat bayar denda. dan you know, begitu kita sampe balai polis sunway, si polisi bilang kita gak bisa bayar saman disono. harus ke balai polis laen. minimal di puchong. sial #12

ANJROOOOOTTTTT PALE LO KOTAAAKK!!!! gw ampe bingung mesti gimana lagi. anjrit. kurang sial apa coba... hadeeeeeehhhh...

kita memutuskan buat beli popiah sama bubble tea buat perjalanan ke puchong. laper banget cui. itu uda jam 2an lebih dan kita blm makan siang. =.=

pas nunggu taksi, gw tanya2 gitu ke information center di sebelah taxi counter. ada polisi2 jg disana. dan mereka cukup membantu lah.. mereka kaya kasi alamat ke gw dan jelasin dikit2..

gw uda gak tau lah.

yang lucu, ada satu polisi blg, "mestinya ini bukan perkara besar lah dek. bisa tak bayar jg. kl adek pny boyfriend polis.."

gw saking keselnya ampe bilang, "boleh deh pak cik. mumpung saya single. ada polis yang single tak? mau saya pacarin."

=.=

untung kita dapet supir taksi yang baik. :)

nyampe di puchong, kesialan belom berakhir.

pas gw mo bayar, si polisi2 kampret itu bilang nomer tilang gw belom didaftarin jadi gw gak bisa bayar sekarangggggg!!!!!!!!!! sial #13

PALE LO BERTATO. EMAK LO KONDEAN. AYAM LO KECEBUR EMPANG???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gw uda bener2 emosi disana. kl di balaipolis2 yang laen gw masi bisa ketawa, skrg gw uda bener2 emosi. kl gak inget tu berursan sama polisi uda pengen gw maki2 aja.

KAMPRET BANGET COY.

gw malah disuru nunggu sebulan! DOES IT TAKE THAT LONG TO REGISTER FINE NUMBERS???????? WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING WHOLE DAY?????

anjrit. gw bilang aja sebulan lagi uda mo exam. gak ada waktu buat ngurus hal2 gak penting kaya gini. gila aja lo. GW UDA BUANG 30 RM PP CUMA BUAT TAU THIS STUPID INFORMATION? ARE YOU INSANE????

akhirnya gw tanya polisi lain dan OONNYA itu polisi ngomong hal yang berbeda, dia bilang suru tunggu seminggu.

gw uda bener2 emosi lah pas itu.

gw cecer aja tu polisi. KL GW BALIK SEMINGGU LAGI LO BISA MAKE SURE KL UDA KEREGISTER BELOM???? ADA TIME LIMIT GAK. LO ORANG BILANG GAK ADA TIME LIMIT, TAPI TAUNYA NTI MASUK KE COURT SEGALA. BLA BLA BLA..

mana tu polisi geblek. diajak ngomong bahasa inggris gak dong. bahasa malay jg gak dong. lama2 gw ajak ngomong bahasa monyet aja. kali aja tu orang tau.

gw uda ngotot2 aja ma tu polisi. tolol banget lah tu dua orang. =.=

nyaris pake urat segala.

sampe akhirnya gw memutuskan buat pulang ke sunway dan balik lagi ke balai polis abis gw exam.

untung banget gw dikasi tau info2 gt ma supir taksinya.

parah lah. kl ada meteran emosi di kepala gw, uda merah aja tuh.

i've never experienced that unluckiness before in my life!

but yeah, it's unforgettable laaaa.

thanks for coloring my life...♥

my baby boy... ♥

♥ my Jo Alexander Vincentius Nicky Rahardjo ♥

.:Genting Highlands, November 2009:.

my girls... ♥

♥ Ribka Julia ♥

.:Lippo Karawaci, September 2009:.

♥ Angela Nathalia Nurdin ♥

.:Mona's house, Lagoon View A1406, September 2009:.

♥ Margaret Churchill ♥

.:Melaka, August 2009:.

♥ Sylvia Lautan ♥

.:Genting Highlands, November 2009:.

♥ Michelle Sufian ♥

.:Little Genting, March 2010:.

♥ Sherli Kusuma Dewi ♥

.:CIMP Talent Night, October 2008:.

♥ Monalysa Moppo Bulan Siahaan ♥

.:CIMP Halloween Night, November 2008:.

my boy-friends... ♥

♥ Arnold Wirakusuma ♥

.:CIMP Halloween Night, November 2009:.

♥ Ryan Salim ♥

.:SS2 Murni, August 2009:.

♥ Teddy Purnomo Sidi (Minjung) ♥

.:Genting Highlands, May 2009:.

♥ Jimmy Harapan Burhan ♥

.:SS2 Murni, April 2009:.

my 7/7 monash gank... ♥

♥ Cassandra Jayanthy ♥

.:RedBox, April 2010:.

♥ Novita Indawati ♥

.:Food Processing Lab, Monash University, May 2010:.

♥ Sherley Anastasia Kuncoro ♥

.:Malaka, April 2010:.

♥ Stella Amanda ♥

.:Stella's house, A2403A, May 2010:.

♥ Willy Ericko ♥

.:Genting Highlands, May 2010:.

♥ Elvis Leo ♥

.:Genting Highlands, May 2010:.

and last, but not LEAST, my beloved family... ♥

♥ Stevie Adryanto, Ata Julianti, & Reinhardt Avila ♥

.:Chicken Village, SMS, Chinese New Year 2010:.

at the end, i just wanna be with you all...

♥ whole gank ♥

♥ 7/7 ♥

time passes by.
people change.
we grow older.
we grow apart.
but you all always remain in my heart.
forever.
nadya ♥ you all.

stevieadryanto ♥ ata julianti ♥ reinhardtavila ♥ joalexandervincentiusnickyrahardjo ♥ ribkajulia ♥ angelanathalianurdin ♥ margaretchurchill ♥ sylvialautan ♥ michellesufian ♥ sherlikusumadewi ♥ monalysamoppobulansiahaan ♥ arnoldwirakusuma ♥ ryansalim ♥ teddypurnomosidi ♥ jimmyharapanburhan ♥ cassandrajayanthy ♥ novitaindawati ♥ sherleyanastasiakuncoro ♥ willyericko ♥ elvisleo