Finding relief.

i woke up this morning and felt so... terrible.

oh my god.

why should i feel that "morning sickness" once more?

one of my girls once said, "everyone got their own weak point. If my weak point is on my-homesick-ness, than yours is on love"

maybe it's true.

i've never been homesick (um, only when im sick and "sick", like now).

don't ever say that im not that close enough with my family. i just think that they're always there and they won't never forsake me, how bad i am.

but, im so sick when i get struck on love problems.

like i told ya on previous post, fate likes to make me laugh.

yesterday, i was thinking so much about it.

i might be looked well outside, but not inside.

i might laugh in front of people, but not when im alone.

thanks for ley, stella, and sandra for accompanying me doing my lab reports.

and thanks god i got so many assignments to do, so i dont need to think about my weak point, for a while. at least those "blessing" assignments occupy my head almost completely.

but still, when those blessing ass leave me, i think about you.

like this morning.

i got super duper awkward and bad dream.

what i remember is, i posted "i hate words FOR GOOD" on my facebook.

those small part could ruin my morning.

then, i remember, Someone who never leaves me, even though I OFTEN leave Him.

i "curhat" to Him.

and i feel more... relieve.

no. calm down is the better word.

"i surrender to You God.

Do whatever You wanna do in my life, and his life.

I know that You will give me the best for me, even it's not that i want.

but when what's good for me is not what i want, please don't leave me and please calm me down. please teach me to be a grown up, who never cries and moans for the problems You've given. please tell me how to be strong in facing these ups and downs. and just, please save me from my negative thoughts, my nightmare, my fright, my anxiousness, and my suspiciousness.

and please bless my baby too.

and God, please help me to choose the right way for the intersection You've given to me..

Thanks for the live You gave me, God."