Morning mail, and that sounds bad. :(

I told the whole world (actually it’s not the whole world, but simply everybody who read my blog and tumblr), that when I say I don’t care, I really mean it.

I posted it on my tumblr and if I’m not mistaken, I tweeted it too.

But you see, when I woke up in the morning, the first thing I did is calling you and ended up you weren’t picking it up. Even, I was thinking about you in the whole night, you forced to come into my dreams and stayed there. That’s why I wasn’t sleeping well these two nights.

I am a woman with words. These words are contradictive to what you’ve heard. I ALWAYS say I don’t care, I won’t call you first, you are not important anymore for me, I hate you, etc etc etc. But those are just words. Do I have courage to do that? Nope. Do I have strength to do that? Nope. Do I have HEART to do that? Nope.

I simply can’t do that to you. See? I SWORE to myself, I won’t call you, unless you call me first. But what happened was, I woke up in the morning, I checked on my phone and skype, realized there were no missed calls, and yeah, I called you. And you didn’t pick it up.

Is that my fault? Is that my fault for depending too much on you? For thinking too much of you? For hoping too much for you?

If I could control myself, I would definitely avoid you. I’d better be thinking about something else, which is more significant, than thinking about you.

Or maybe, someone out there, who has similar problem in controlling feelings like me, wants to share? I desperately need someone who can stop me thinking about you.