My real first kid love is my primary school class mate, PWS (real name is hidden to protect his privacy), since I was in love with him for about 5 years. We were super childish back then, liked each other but did not have the courage to even talk. :)
And for those who know me, you obviously know this guy.
MACP.
My first boyfriend.
well, I kinda don't care if he HAPPENS to see this.
We knew each other when we were in first grade of junior high school, 9 years ago. I was almost late on my first day of junior high and after being scolded by the principal for not knowing the location of my class, I accidentally tripped on my feet in front of him. And I was like wanting to punch him on the face when he was laughing at me with his haha-another-clumsy-stupid-girl grin face.
But who expected I could not erase his face from my head since then?
We became close friends because of the seating arrangement. I sat in front of him. I didn't know what led us, but he and I became partners-in-crime, brother-and-sister, gossip-mates or whatever-you-name-it-relationship. He called me everyday and I became one of his close friends instantly. Of course, people thought we were an item because when there was me, there would be him next to me and vice versa.
I hated to say this, but my feeling was getting stronger each day to him. Yet, he still didn't realize it. He was kind of a guy who liked girls easily and well, I guess that was my bad luck, he told me about every girls he chased. I was crankily irritated every time he complimented a girl, and even when he asked me to introduce him to one of my girl friends. I was like, what-the-hell, did you see me?!
Not only from the girls that he chased and the girls who chased him, there was another obstacle, which was his ex. His ex was kinda type of elegant and calm girl, which was definitely the opposite of me. And there was this special girl who was not only smart, beautiful, elegant and also ladylike, but also liked him too.
Was that too pathetic for me?
He sought for me every day, but it seemed like I was invisible in front of him.
End of March, I was too tired fixing my heart every time he unconsciously broke it. I decided to keep a distance with him. And the turning point was when after study tour, I was close to somebody else.
Again, who expected he suddenly realized that it was ME that he liked all this time?
In short, after a long confession between me and him, we finally were an item on 21 April 2003 and to be honest, I had a 6-wonderful-years-relationship with him, with its ups and downs. Well, mostly ups. :)
He was the one I was looking for. He had all the characters of man I wanted to grow old with.
He was the one I could tell everything to. He was the only guy I trusted. He was my everything. And he was practically my life.
One of the things that bound us together was our imagination.
I always smile every time I remember how we imagined our life in the future. We prepared names for our children - Anyelir and Adrian (I probably will still use these names for my future children =P), we imaginably designed our future house and how we spent every morning with our children.
I could arrogantly say that many people envied us and our relationship.
Our good friends even delegated themselves for helping us in our wedding day. lol.
I've talked too much, I know.
So, in short, finally, after spending 6 years together, we graduated from high school, which means, we welcomed to ourselves to long-distance-relationship gank. I enrolled to college in Malaysia and he went to Australia. We fully understood that this was going to be difficult. But we did believe in true love and distance was just there to strengthen the relationship.
But, we were wrong. Completely wrong.
The first semester went, well, not that well, but it could still be considered fine. We went through such a difficult time adjusting the condition, from meeting-face-to-face-everyday to chatting-via-msn. At that time, I had not had built-in camera in my laptop and my internet connection was face-scratchingly slow, and plus, no bbm/whatsapp. But we made it through the first semester.
But then, the condition was getting worst on the second semester. I was busy with my assignments and new friends, and so was he. Our relationship became colder and colder. And without I knew, he was close to someone initialed S and here, in Malaysia, I became closer to somebody else.
And there you went, without realizing it, in one click, he slipped away from my life.
25 July 2009, he broke up with me.
I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I could not breath. I could not live.
There was tons of stones stuck into my heart. What I could do was crying, hoping that the burdens were carried away with the tears. But it failed. Every time I tried to breath, the burdens were just doubled and doubled.
I was crying everywhere. In my room, in the lecture hall, in front of vincci, in the bus station. Practically everywhere. I could not stand the pain he caused. I'd prefer having my bones broken than my heart broken.
My good friends here were so afraid I would commit suicide, so they stayed 24/7 by my side. They never left me alone. So, in this post, I would like to thank Angela Natalia, Margaret Churchill and Sylvia Lautan, for always being by my side when my world seemed like falling apart. :)
And if you asked how I am doing with this guy, I would say, "I don't know".
After our break up, couple months later, he deleted and blocked my from facebook, msn and skype. I sent him two emails, wishing him happy birthday, but he never replied. I once tried to call his cellphone, but he didn't answer. So, yeah. I don't know where on earth he is now.
Three years has passed and he still occupies a little corner of my heart.
I don't have any feeling to him now, but somehow, my unconscious mind still loves him, just like it did 9 years ago.
If you happens to read this blog, which I'm pretty sure you won't give a damn to even stalk me in the first place, I hope you are now open to have a friendship with me. :)
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