Pissed Off?

I am pissed off and I need to write if I am pissed off.

As I told you in the previous post, I have, ups, had been accepted to Sweetkiss for my summer internship.
BUT SOMETHING CAME UP THREE DAYS AGO.
I was asked to send acceptable letter to my professor.
So I called Sweetkiss and asked for the letter.
But what I was replied was:
"OH SORRY MISS, THE PERSON IN CHARGE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR HAS ALREADY RESIGNED"
"well, she should have told you about my application, shouldn't she?"
"WELL, SHE DID NOT INFORM ANYTHING ABOUT THE INTERNSHIP. BUT I WILL TRY TO LOOK IT UP"
"Please try to find my application. Or do I need to send another one?"
"OKAY, YOU CAN SEND ME YOUR CV AND I WILL LOOK AT IT"

And I waited for the next two days.
And this morning, in the middle of my dream, my friend called me and informed me that she was still on the program, while me, I need to call them to get the confirmation.
So I called them. And you know, what did they say?
"SORRY MISS, BECAUSE MISS ALINE (this bitch who interviewed and accepted me, then bailed) DELETED YOUR APPLICATION AND UNFORTUNATELY SHE DID NOT FOLLOW THIS UP TO THE HIGHER POSITION"
"But I was already accepted there. I could show you the email"
"BUT SORRY MISS, THERE IS NO MORE VACANCY LEFT FOR YOU. IT'S ALL FULL"
"But I really need this internship"
"SORRY MISS WE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING"

you mutherfocker.
sorry if i swear too much.
but HEY IM IN THE MIDDLE OF MY EXAM!
besides all my heart-problems, AND NOW COMES THIS STUPID PROBLEM!
I'm totally fucked up.

But as my dad advised me, I need to look at positive sides.
Maybe God just wants to help me getting another job nearer.
Maybe God just wants to help me getting another job which is better than sweetkiss.
Maybe God just wants to give me "lessons" so next time, I would ask for acceptance letter.
Maybe God just wants me to learn how hard it is to seek for a job.

Ah, i feel a little bit relieved.
Gotta go hitting the books.
Wish me luck on my exam! :)

Best Mid Break Ever!

This was the best mid break I've ever had. Seriously. The best. I mean it.

For almost 3.5 years I've been in Malaysia. This was the best mid break.

It all started from I got accepted to Sweet Kiss Sdn. Bhd. for my internship. And Monash Ball. And finally, TRIP TO PENANG.

In short, I've been looking for the job since last semester, and finally I got this internship in Sweet Kiss. Well, it is not a big company, but enough for me to have new experience working in food industry. :) 

Monash Ball 2011, Soiree A L'opera was held on September 23rd, 2011 in Marriott Hotel, Putrajaya.

Overall shows were not that interesting, but I was quite happy, just by being with my friends, Sherley, Novita, Yoan, Sylfester, Ivan, David, and Christofel.

Here are some spotlights on us!

~me and my date, Christofel~

As usual, after Monash Ball, there was after party held. This time, after party was held in one of the clubs in Puchong. But since we had no idea where the location was, so we decided to go to Ministry of Sound - Euphoria and had a good time!

Ah, life's good.

The following two days, we had the trip to Penang!
Wanna know our days in Penang, check out my travel blog here.

cheers.

Thank you guys

Gue tiba-tiba ngerasa takut.
Takut buat lulus Monash.
Padahal, sepanjang gue kuliah di Monash, 80% harapan gue adalah cepet-cepet lulus dari Monash.
Because you will never imagine my hell life in Monash.
Tapi, begitu waktu bergerak dengan cepetnya, tanpa ampun, menuju akhir dari waktu kuliah gue di Monash, suddenly I am scared.
Scared of getting out from my comfort zone.

Gue nggak pernah khawatir sama "perjalanan" gue setelah lulus Bachelor dari Monash.
It is either taking master or getting a job.
It is either one of them.
If I have the chance taking master degree, I will definitely take dietetics or human nutrition or psychology or marketing.
If I have to get a job, I believe I will get one.
Why am I never afraid of choosing one of them? It is because I believe God will lead me. I won't walk alone.
But, when it comes to getting out from comfort zone, it's only me and myself left.

I really thank God for giving me such... amazing last year.
To be honest, after what I've been through, I do not expect having unforgettable last year, like this.
I once read a quote.
"Sometimes we need to let something good fall apart so something better fall together"
Quote ini sangat sangat menggambarkan diri gue yang sekarang.
It took away my pride, my fragile heart, and part of myself to let good things fall apart.
But look what I've gained after letting good things fall apart. Happiness. Good friends. Adventure. Experience. Laugh. Trust. Unforgettable memories. More good pictures. and one important thing, new comfort zone.

I really want to thank my friends who have made my days.
Because of them, my gloomy days turn to smiley days.
My tears are shed, my worries are gone.

Thank you, Angela Nathalia, Alvianie Jessyca Sutikno, Sherley Kuncoro, Sylfester Arian Gunawan, Ivan Reynard, David Nugraha Santosa, Christofel Wong, Stella Amanda, Margaret Churchill, Yohan Marselinus, Richard Jerry, Kenneth Cheang, Kristoforus Rusli, Katarina Siena, Sylvia Lautan,  and my twin sister, Ribka Julia. 
(For those whom I don't mention here: it's not like you don't mean much to me, but I just want to be honest with myself. I am sorry if I don't mention you intentionally or unintentionally.)

Hari Botol Sedunia! :)

I just read this note this morning, and I am sure I miss her like hell. I miss the days I spent with her. I miss stupid stuffs I did with her. But I miss herself more. :)
This note is taken from Ribka Julia's facebook page.


HARI BERSEJARAH INI,,

TANGGAL ENAM BULAN EMPAT TAHUN DUA RIBU SEMBILAN
(06.04.09)

merupakan hari bersejarah sepanjang CIMP

berikut merupakan LIST hal-hal BO-TOL yg terjadi hanya dalam waktu

SATU HARI SAHAJA. . .

KEJADIAN 1 :
dimulai pukul 00.00 - saya dan partner beserta gibon lagi belajar CHEMISTRY d 08/03/04
saking streznyaa,,, KAMI,,, saya dan partner berbuat hal2 yg TIDAK SEWAJARNYA DILAKUKAN SAAT BELAJAR. . . seperti :
- dengerin iPod sambil teriak2 nyanyi *gak sadar range suaranya dari 1oktaf sampe 8 oktaf kaliii*
- berjoget2 ria sambil dengerin lagu west,, indo en CHINESSEE yg merupakan sbuah KEAJAIBAN kalo partner saya yg bernama NADYA KARINA dengerin lagu CAI HONG sama HUAI REN. . .
- bikin video klip *yg akan beredar secepatnya d FB*
waktu belajar pun slesai pada pukul 2.40 . . . kegilaan berakir UNTUK JAM DAN WAKTU TERSEBUT

KEJADIAN 2 :
saat malam harii,, kami baru diingatkan belum mengerjakan DRAFT CHEMISTRY yg DUE DATENYA pukul 4PM di HARI YG SAMA !
alhasil,, kami pergi lebih cepat dari biasa,, dan selama period 1 kami MENDEKAM d library NGERJAIN DRAFT. . . *anakkk rajinnnn skali kann*
SAKING SENANGNYA EN SEMANGATNYA KERJAIN DRAFT CHEMISTRY,, kami melupakan kelas KOMTEK dan alhasill,,, kami telat masuk kelas selama 10 ATO 15 MENIT *pada saat itu,, kelas sudah penuh *yg sebnarnya KEAJAIBAN!*

KEJADIAN 3 :
sehubungan belajar CHEMISTRY d malam hari,, kami melupakan SEMUA HOMEWORK subject yg lainnn
dan pada saat itu kami mempunyai HW FUNCTION sbanyak SEMBILAN NOMOR yg BERANAK PINAK
berhubung KERJA SAMA antara saya dan parter SANGAT ERATT,,, kami men-SHARE-kan homework kitaa
*g kerja dari nomer 1,, lo kerja dr nomer 9,, tar ketemu di tengah2 okk,,,, baru SALIIN!!!*
saking RAJIN-nya,, kami cuma menghabiskan waktu 40 menit buat makan en the rest,,, WE DO OUR HOMEWORK IN FRONT OF CLASSS.... *tepatny d tangga sampe ngalangin orang jalan*

KEJADIAN 4 :
di dalam kelas function,, kami baru mendapat kabar terbaruuu....
ternyata LAB CHEMISTRY HARUS DIKUMPULKAN HARI INI!!! DAN tentu sajaa KAMI BELUM MENGERJAKANNYAAA. . .
terjadilah,, kami sibuk2 ngomongin chemistry disaat guru function kami tercinta nge-review pelajaran,,,
untunglah,, kami murid teladann jadi tidak di tegur . . .*biar diliatin truz spanjang kelas. . .*
sbgai tambahann,,, pas kerjain homework,, g sibuk cariin PENSILL!!! en hal itu berlanjut sampe d KELAS,, g cariin PENSIL , mpe nanya k 4-5 orang en GAK DAPET PENSIL YG BENER!!!

KEJADIAN 5 :
setlah kelas FUNCTION *pas d klaz kita mikir SKIPP,,SKIPP,,SKIPP KLAZ FUNCTION!! hahaha* kita langsung FREE RUNNING LEBIH CEPAT DARI BIASANYAA buat ngejer kelas CHEMISTRY en kerjain LAB YG BELOM BERES EN JELAS CERITANYA GIMANA. . ..

*sampai saat inii,, SETIAP HOMEWORK YG KITA KERJAKAN DENGAN SUSAH PAYAHHH,,, GAK ADA YG DIPERIKSAA!!! BENAR2 USAHA YG SIAA2!!!!*

KEJADIAN 6 :
abis kelas chemistry,,,, kami melaju k comlab buat nerusin DRAFT yg uda DI UJUNG TANDUK DUE DATENYA ... setelah ber-BLA-BLA-BLA-BLA-BLA-BLA sejenak d depan WORD,, akirnya beres sudahlah DRAFTNYAAA!!! YESSS!!! tapi, perjuangan kami belum berakir sampai di siniii. . .

KEJADIAN 7 :
selesai draft,, kami melaju k LECTURE THEATRE 7 yg super dingin!!!!! buat TEST CHEMISTTRY chapter 5 en 6. . . saking strezny belajar semalamann,, kami NYANYI2 LAGU GAK JELAS di saat yg lain sedang BELAJAR hahhahaa . . .
semua mata tertuju kepada kami,, yg memang diakui NYATAIII SKALII!!!

KEJADIAN 8 :
terjadi di TENGAH2 TEST,, di saat HAPE SAYA YG TERLALU SENANG MEMBANGUNKAN SAYA PAGI2,, BERBUNYII!!! ALARM G MASI NYALAAA ! ! !! TANPA DISADARII
pas pertama denger dikirain suara apaann,, egh makin lama makin kenceng,, dan itu ADALAH BUNYI ALARM G!!! sudah jelaslah MALU BANGET!! NTU TEST DR PERIOD 1 SAMPE 5 !!!
SAKING MALUNYA,, MATA SAYA HANYA TERTUJU KEPADA GURU TERCINTA SAHAJA,,,
*ada yg blang,, orang2 depan sampe balik k blkg liat keributan yg disebabkan oleh HAPE SAYA YG SEMANGAT BANGUNIN G PAGI2!!! ITU SORE2 WOIII BUKAN PAGIII!!!*

KEJADIAN 9 :
SETELAH MASA2 SULIT BERLALUU,,, tibalah saatnya kamii beserta gibon ME-RELAKS-KAN DIRII!!!
kami pergi k PYRAMIDD en nonton FAST EN FURIOUS 4 yg KEREEEENNN ABISSS
CUMA DASAR,, ad orang yg anehh. . .
disaat2 MENEGANGKAN,, egh,, ntu ORANG malah TIDURR!!! ==a

BENAR2 ANEHH. . . .

demikianlah rangkuman hari bersejarah d CIMP

dimana semua kejadian BO-TOL (baca : BOdoh dan TOLol) terjadii SEMUANYA DALAM SATU HARI!!!

TERIMA KASIH ATAS WAKTUNY MEMBACA NOTES YG BO-TOL iniii

hahahahha

P.S : PARTNER!!! MARI KITA KACAUKAN HARI-HARI KITA LAGI D CIMP!!!!

short movie yeaay!

Heyhoo!
Time shows 1.27 am in the morning, and I still do not feel like sleeping.
Too much sleeping I think. Coz I'm catching a cold and I was sleeping all day, resulting in no sleepiness at night.
So yeah, I decided to blog.

Quick update about my daily routines.
As you all know, I am always busy with my assignments. But there is this little thing that cheers me up.
Well, it is not that little since it will involve much time and energy to do it.
I AM MAKING A SHORT MOVIE!
I am freakishly exciting!!
I planned to make one right after I finished making "ESCAPE" (You can watch here), but (this is one of my weaknesses) I don't have the "mood" to make one, until I talked to one of my friends, Sylfester, and yes, we'll make one. :)

I am still doing the script and Sylfester is checking on the places.
And on Lebaran holiday, Sylfester, Stella, Ley, Gibon, and me will hold a casting for the lead male and lead female characters. :)
I hope everything will be alright. :)

Actually I plan to write something in my head, but the mood suddenly disappears.
But, just so you know, I am thinking about you right now, N.
Thank you for once being in my life.

Analogy of God and me

I once asked God.

"When is my turn to be happy?"

I had waited for such a long time. but then, I lost my patience.

I got angry to God. I stopped praying. I ignored God completely because I thought He never existed. Even if He existed, He was just there, sitting and staring at me from heaven, and doing nothing.

But it turns out I am the one who is impatient.

I asked God too much, without even trying to be happy.

I whined to much. I was not grateful for all that I had.

I recently had a problem, which you all can guess.

At first, I was very disappointed to God. Why should He put me in the situation like this?

Why should be me?

Why couldn't He give me what I want?

But then, when I surrendered everything to God. I let Him do whatever He thought the best for me... 

I changed my perspective of God and life.

I imagine a simple scenario that depicts the relationship of God and me.

In my imagination, I am about to learn how to ride a bike. He lets me fall. He lets me be hurt. But I get angry to Him. "Why do You let me fall? Why don't you catch me so I don't need to be injured like this? It hurts the hell out of me! You see how much blood coming from my knees?" and somehow I stop trying.

But something that I do not realize is, God is always following me from behind. He lets me fall because He wants me to be able to handle yourself when you fall from the bike and he wants me to be able to ride the bike. He knows that the wound won't kill me, so He lets it happen. But still, God is watching me from behind, watch over me, so when I fall, He is there to help me out, to get up, and to heal my wound sooooo fast. I know he won't let me be injured so bad, like breaking my leg or something.

And when I am able to ride the bike, I will smile and turn my head back and say "THANK YOU GOD. I CAN RIDE THIS BIKE!"

And the next couple days, He will come and bring you a motorcycle. and the cycle will happen again.

So... what I am trying to tell you is, when you feel God is not with you, look up. He is there, writing your stories and also watching out from above. 

What am I feeling now after the breakup (well, finally I reveal my problem)?

I am relieved.

I am happy.

And I believe this is the happiness I asked from God. 

I might not be together with him anymore.

I lost one best boyfriend who always accompanied me, helped me, etc etc.

But this is the happiness I am always looking for.

Thank you God.

I love you so much much much much. :)

HEY this is me!

*cleaning out the dust*
*sneezing badly*

Well, folks. If my blog was a room, I supposed there would be so much dust and many spiders in it.
Coz yeah, I rarely update this blog. :)

Quick update.
I am now a fifth-semester student in Monash Uni.
Quite free for these weeks. But pretty sure I'm gonna be like a busy bee for following weeks. :)

And in this post, I wanna do something stupid. I got these questions from my tumblr : www.nadyakarina.tumblr.com :)
Check these out!

Weird things you do when you're alone
Dancing like crazy. like I'm in a club.

How have you changed in the past two years?
I've become stronger, mentally and physically. I've become more independent. But I've lost much trust to people.

What kind of person attracts you?
Friendly. Talkative. Easy going. Responsible. Smart.

What you wear to bed?
Daster. (some kind of dress of pajamas)

5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex
Opposite sex: smoking. stinky. long hair. can't drive. "gombal".
Same sex: smoking. bitchy. arrogant. disloyal.

The person you like and why you like them?
You sure? It's like I'm gonna mention all my best friends. and this is gonna take loads of words to describe the reason why I like them.

You opinion on cheating on people
I did cheat once. But the thing is, nobody likes to be cheated on, right? If I am cheated on? I'm gonna take a revenge, of course.

Something you're currently worrying about
To be honest, I am worried that I am not gonna marry anybody. I am worried I am gonna be single forever. *sigh.

Your last kiss?
July 17th, 2010.

Your views on drugs and alcohol
Alcohol yes. Drugs BIG NO.

Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is
SINGLE IS GOOD. especially when you still have someone that puts attention to you. :)

Things you want to say to your ex?
Thank you for coloring my life back then. My life would be sooooooo flat without you. :)

A date you would love to go on?
Well since i love traveling so much, I prefer a trip-date, meaning we (two of us) go somewhere like Genting or Cameron Highlands together. :)

Something disgusting you do
I poo everywhere, like in every place, I've ever pooed. Of course in the toilet, not in the highway or in the table.

The best thing to happen to you this week
Uuumm... I think this Thursday. I got no class, so I spent the day with watching The Mentalist, creambath-in, luluran-ing, and doing my lab reports. and oh yeah, I went to practice choir too. :)

3 things you are proud of about your personality
Friendly. Loyal. Warm.

THings that make you scared
FLYING ON THE AIRPLANE. animals. to be forgotten. to be left out.

Disrespecting parents
Well, I used to be disrespecting my parents back when I was a pre-teenager. But I'm trying not to do that anymore.

Something that never fails to make you feel better
When I am in bad mood, I usually eat indomie and talk to my girl friends, and eventually I feel better.

The last argument you had
I forget.

Something you can't seem to get over
My first ex.

10 things about you people don't really expect
Well I am quite easy to predict. But people do not know that:
I like horror movie. I eat indomie more often than people think. I still stalk my first ex's fb (using one of my friend's account). I was once expelled from my home. I dislike one of my current friends. What else huh?

Something you always think "what if..." about
I used to think "what if I have not gone to Malaysia, me and my first ex would have never broken up" and "what if my second ex has not gone to NZ, me and my second ex would have never broken up".
Well, I'm pretty satisfied with my life, except for my love relationship.

Things you want to say to 5 different people
Casey: Let's befriend again! I am tired having a cold war with you.
Nicky: I miss you babe. :(
Lia: You are my little angel. Thanks for always being here when I need you the most.
Mum: I miss you miss you miss youuuuuuu.
Dad: YOU ARE THE BEST DAD. KEEP FIGHTING OVER THOSE DICKHEADS!!!!!!!!!

10 ways to win your heart
*well this is a little bit materialistic, i know. but hey I'm just trying to be honest!*
1. show that you are interested with me.
2. prioritize me over others (especially other girls)
3. accompany me all the time.
4. be responsible with your own life. how could you be responsible with me if you can't take responsibility over yourself?
5. be smart. i don't like guys who are lazy to go to school or work.
6. show me that you can drive! hahahaha.
7. be tidy. have a hair cut. don't smoke.
8. be strong and manly.
9.well, i likely to be attracted to a photographer. but you don't have to be one actually.
10. you have to be taller than me. :)

Your religious beliefs
I believe in Jesus.

Talk about your siblings.
My brother is THE BEST. I love him like VERY MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH. We are like couple. We like to sleep together, play games, heart-to-heart, like everything! We never fight, at all. If we argue about something, we just need less than 1 hour to "baikan". Last time we fought i think couple years ago.

The month you were happiest this year and why
um.. July? Coz I broke up with my ex (oh how I love the feeling of relief), I spent days with my family. and even when I was back to Malaysia, my friends were here waiting for me. and no assignments assigned yet. :)

A picture of yourself.

What changed this month and what you hope will happen next month
What changed? umm. i don't think something has changed much. But I do hope I will get closer to someone next month!

Happy Birthday!

Hey you, someone who once happened in my life!
Happy 20th birthday.
I hope everything goes well with your life, your study, your financial, your family, or (maybe) your new lover. :)
I'm on my way to accept the reality that I'm not with you anymore.
I prayed for you last night.
I really prayed.
I don't want you to become ordinary guy.
I know you are not.
I prayed for your safety, your happiness, your study, your career... for everything about you.

well, I'm mumbling.
I guess that's all.
Happy birthday, N. I really wish you nothing but the best.

i think i need to post more interesting-to-read stuffs on my blog.
i just realized that my blog is such a gloomy-self-centered blog.
*just wait for me on holiday!*

LOST

Wow, look at my last post. It was posted on April, and see? It's already mid June.
Well what you have to understand is for an amateur writer like me, who does not have talent in writing, i need extra effort and good mood to post something in my blog. Plus, my assignments and (NOW) my exams seem distracting me from writing.

Anyhow, there are MANY things I am supposed to write.
My midbreak getaway to Malaka with Arnold, Lia, and Dicky.
My sudden-crazy-plan weekend escape with Jessyca, Sylfester, and David.
Both getaways were SOOOOOOOO, um, what you called it, exciting!
Yeah, besides my never-ending-assignments-and-lab-reports. *sigh*
Don't think life could be pleasant these days.

But in this post, I don't plan to share my exciting getaways, but more about my thought, just now.
I was just waking up from my nap, when I read the timeline in Twitter.
One post from @jcqlie interested me.

"Just for once, I want someone to be afraid of losing me"

Those words pricked me. right away to my heart.
I ask myself, "Have they, who admit to be my friends, ever been afraid of losing me?"
It did not take even a minute for me to have the answer.
No, I don't think so.

Let's start from my boyfriend. *I really hope he does not have the time or interest to read my post*.
I don't think he is THAT afraid of losing me, like i am FREAKINGLY afraid of losing him.
He got all he's wanted. Good looking face, good fortune, good posture, good inner beauty. Who doesn't want him? It is super easy for him to find a girl, of course better than me. But I don't know why he still sticks with me after all this time. I don't think my existence is THAT matter for him.

And my friends.
To be honest, there are two best friends, few special friends, and many friends that I have.
First best friend. I don't need to mention her name, but she really is special for me. It's like I never have someone who understands me deeply like she does. I am like finding my other half soul. I will do everything to  "maintain" my superfriendship with her. But what's on the other side? I don't think that I am matter for her anymore. Well, I don't expect to be that close, like we used to be. At least, I still want to be the first person whom she tells for everything. But seems like she's found new exciting world, without me in it.
Second best friend. She's like my little sister. Superb, I can say. I can't thank her enough for accompanying me when I am down. or up. or whatever. She used to depend on me. Well, it is good to know that she's more independent, but I am afraid, I am not useful anymore for her. And being not useful is like a burden to me. Because it's like you are not needed by them, anymore.

My special friends.
I've got few special friends. and they come and go, without really think about my feeling.
I blame myself for it, but wait. I don't think that all are my faults. They've got new friends, started to be comfortable with them, and yes, you can tell the ending. They forget me.
These days, thank God, I have the opportunity to make new friends. I don't expect too much with these friendships I've just had. At the end, what's going to happen is, we leave each other. So yes, I don't put too much feelings on them, like I used to do to my old gank. You know how long it took to get over my feelings on my old bestfriends? a year. A freakin' full-of-efforts year.

Think that I am complicated?
Yes I am. I am THAT complicated when it comes to relationship.

Somehow, I wanna see who's crying on my funeral, if I am dying now.
My boyfriend? Will he go back to Indonesia, just to "send" me away?
My bestfriends? Will they shed a tear for me?
The only thing I am sure 100% is the lost-feeling that my daddy, mummy, and little brother feel.

The further I am thinking, the more I believe that I am the b*tch.
The b*tch who always asks for more.
who always carves more attention.
who always wants to be number one.
Because the thing is, we don't always get what we want, and we're not always number one.

I don't usually post something like this in my open-read-blog.
But for once, I just want to be honest with world.
You could be offended by reading this. but I'm sorry.